Dooley's Doodles

Evangelion 2.0: You Can (Not) Advance Review

2011-01-22T21:44:00.000-08:00

If I were to take Evangelion 2.0, the second of the Rebuild of Evangelion films, at face value, I would say it's akin to a typical summer blockbuster, it has all the essential elements. Take a classic series and give it a big budget, double the amount and scale of the action scenes, inject a helping of silly comic relief, and make the finale an incredible action spectacle.

But of course, this is Evangelion, and when it comes to this series, nothing has ever been what it seemed. The first of these movies was essentially, a shiner, glossier, and streamlined version of the first six episodes, leaving the impression that the rest of the movies would follow suit. Of course, this is not the case, this is new Evangelion. It’s different, it’s big, it’s risky, and it’s also absolutely wonderful.

Covering the time period between episodes 8-19 (known to fans as the Action Arc), the story continues the saga of Evangelion pilot Shinji Ikari, as he and his fellow pilots fend a mysterious race of creatures, referred to as Angels. Among him getting used to life in Tokyo-3, he meets (and begins to live with) elite Eva pilot Asuka Langley Shikinami (fans already will be able to notice a difference there), who’s skill and fiery red hair are only matched by her equally fiery temper and ego. Meanwhile, Rei Ayanami, growing frustrated with the shell she lives in, begins to try to melt the ice between Shinji and his father (who’s kind of a jerk), but as the film progresses, this begins to seem like a unlikely endeavor. Among the mysteries the film provides, are Karowu and his mysterious Eva Unit-06, and a new character named Mari, a confident and energetic young lady, who enjoys piloting the Evas, and seems to know more then she let’s on.

It’s strange that Evangelion 1.0 and 2.0 are even connected to each other, because both films take radically different approaches to how they adapted the source material. While the first had difficulty justifying it’s existence, and played it relatively safe when it came to recreating the story. This one immediately has no trouble in taking the familiar and making it different. Characters who we’ve analyzed to death are now redefined and recontextualized. The story has lost it’s dark, introspective side, in favor of defining it’s story and emotions through the physical actions of the characters. Even scenes that are played beat-for-beat from the original series, feel completely different, thanks to this new approach. The changes are exciting and intriguing, and are not out of left field, and make sense within the Evangelion we’ve grown to know and love.

Are there changes that don’t quite work? Yes, but they’re not major story changes, but how it handles its cast. To be frank, they are just too many characters, the film does its best to try to juggle them all, but the film’s running time doesn’t do it any favors. Asuka, who was my favorite character in the show, is simply not given enough time to breath and is whisked from one scene to the next. The relationship between Misato and Kaji lacks the duality and tension that made it so fascinating, and funny, in the original series, and Mari, a new character made just for the movie, is not given enough time to define herself as a character, and it feels like she’s holding a big sign saying “I‘ll be important in the next one”.

But that’s not to say there are not moments and scenes of great storytelling, heavens no. From Shinji’s and Gendo’s conversation next to the grave of Yui Ikari, to a tender chat between Asuka and Misato, to the subtle actions and movements of Rei. The film continuously shows that 15 years have done nothing to hamper the storytelling abilities of Director Hideaki Anno and his team. Even the subtitle of the film itself has great meaning, Much like how the first film’s subtitle represented Shinji at both the beginning and end of the movie, this one starts with Shinji hoping to make friends and understand people and grow as a person (You Can Advance), but is ultimately set back by what led to his character’s downfall in the original series (You Can Not Advance).

If there is one place where Evangelion has benefited in the last 15 years, it’s pure craftsmanship. The animation is stunning, to say the least, the CGI is subtly integrated with the rest of the 2D animation, and each shot of the film is jam-packed with Easter Eggs, little details, and other goodies. It shows that the people making it cared about it deeply, and it rewards multiple viewings, if just to notice a little something you missed the last time.

The action scenes are of equal praise, each battle is expertly executed and incredible to watch. The battles against the Angels feel like desperate fights to the death, as the film makes no qualms about the stakes of each battle. The last minute miracles and pain the Evas go through in each battle give the fights a gravitas the original series didn‘t have, and for my money, surpasses anything the original series threw at us (with the possible exception of Asuka’s breathtaking battle against the MP Evas in The End of Evangelion).

I think my favorite part about the movie, is Shinji Ikari himself. Detractors of the original series will tell you that Shinji was a whining, self-destructive, and passive shell of a man who was at points unbearable. Not the case at all with 2.0, Shinji is a gentle, kind, and thoughtful young man. It’s ultimately easier to get behind him as a character this time around. We see him in jump-up-and-cheer moments of victory, as well as crushing moments of defeat, and much like the original series, ends up getting worse then better as the story goes on. He is, whether you like it or not, the heart and soul of the story, and this movie has not forgotten that.

I think the biggest change to the story, is the emotional core of it. Scenes of the characters wallowing in self-hatred and bullet pointing everything that is wrong with them are no where to be found, the bizarre pseudo-Christian symbols have been minimized, and the 180-shift in tone the show made in its final third is more gradual then the immediate and abrupt shift the show made. Some people will miss the more introspective and less traditional narrative the show offered, while others will love that the storytelling has been made more cohesive and less cynical. For my money, the story still has the strange mysteries, double meanings in dialogue, and twisted emotions that made the series great, but it feels weird not spending fifteen minutes (at a time) on that godforsaken train with Shinji.

It’s seems now that I have seen the film, I can safely say that the Rebuild of Evangelion is neither Evangelion if it were a cynical cash-in, nor is it Evangelion as it was originally intended, it is Evangelion from an different emotional perspective. The film’s director Hideaki Anno, is clearly not the same person he was when he made the series, happily married, heavily respected, and more experienced as a storyteller. The original series wallowed in it’s own self-hatred and borderline suidical emotions, the movies offer a more balanced, and less negative emotional core.

Evangelion 2.0 is an highly entertaining and excellently made film that nicely take’s it’s place in the mythos of the immortal series, while the narrative would have benefited from an extra fifteen minutes, the movie never forgets that at its core, this is Shinji’s story. We see him in moments of happiness, anger, sadness, regret, and fear. His state as a person at the end is not too different from where he was by the end of Episode 24, and his actions lead to a false happy ending that leaves both the cast and setting with a deep scar, and leaves it’s next chapter more then welcome. Much like the original series, it will divide people and challenge it’s audience, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

FINAL SCORE: 9.5 OUT OF 10

The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2 Review

2011-01-15T16:09:00.000-08:00

(I was going to write a rant about people who are like "if you like/dislike this movie you're a idiot and I'm better then you". But I've decided that this was worth more anger and rage.)

Disney's 1996 adaptation of Victor Hugo's novel The Hunchback of Notre Dame is for my money, one of the best films the studio has ever released. It's existence was a bit suspect, and it doesn't appeal to kids the same way other Disney films did in the day. But its spectacular animation, outstanding soundtrack, and a story with meaning and power brought to life with memorable characters, including what is perhaps one of the sickest, cruelest, and nastiest villains ever to grace an animated film, was brought together to what I consider to be the company’s misunderstood masterpiece.

Of course, while the film wasn’t the massive success the earlier Lion King was, it did make $325 million on a $70 million budget, which means it qualifies for the horrific direct-to-video sequels Disney released throughout most of the early-to-mid 2000s. While most of those were terrible, I got a hunch (pun not intended) that this perhaps not only the worst of them all, but perhaps the worst animated sequel ever made, and is up there with travesties like Highlander 2 and Batman and Robin as one of the most disastrously bad sequels ever.

More over, it’s mere existence is one to bring up to question as well, why give The Hunchback of Notre Dame the sequel? I felt the movie ended pretty definitively, Frollo was defeated, Quasimodo was accepted by the people of Paris, Esmeralda and Phoebus got together and everyone lived happily ever after. Then again, this argument could be made for any of the direct-to-video travesties (and they’re all terrible, with the possible exception of Aladdin and the King of Thieves), Disney movies by their nature, end happily, it’s just how they’re written. They’re nothing wrong with that, but it’s obvious that almost none of the films lend themselves for sequels, prequels, or midquels with MST3K-esque interludes (oh yes, that did happen, watch The Lion King 1 1/2). But all of the movies that had to pick for the direct-to-video sequel treatment, why pick the one that’s considered one of the darkest films in the company’s canon? Why make a family friendly sequel to a movie where the villain’s song was about how he’s lusting over the main female character and wants to damn her to hell (no, really, it’s awesome)? More then that, what possible dangling threads could they possibly tie up with this movie?

Oh, but there is, the “unconventional” moment of the film’s ending. The fact that the main character doesn’t get the girl at the end, the fact that Mr. Super Hunkey Dorey got the girl, and some people felt that Quasimodo got shafted at the end. I, for one, felt it was a nice departure from the typical Disney norm, and felt very Han Solo/Princess Leia ala The Empire Strikes Back. Also, Quasimodo was happy just to be accepted by the people, who realized that true beauty is in the soul, not the body. As sappy as that sounds, it was touching and felt meaningful. So, essentially, the second’s existence is to fill that one part of the plot that some were not happy about, they might as well make the subtitle to the film “Quasimodo Gets Laid” in that case.

Anyway, let’s discuss the film’s “plot” (and I do use that term loosely). Taking roughly seven years after the first film, Quasimodo has living peacefully with the townspeople, Esmeralda and Phoebus now have a kid name Zephyr (who’s especially annoying I’ll tell you), and on this wonderful day is the festival of love, during this festival, Quasimodo starts to feel lonely, and wonders if someone could in fact, fall in love with him. On the other side of the fence is a circus of thieves, lead by the "Evil" Sarousch, who intends to steal the most precious bell of Notre Dame, La Fidèle, and his “lovely” assistant, Madellaine, to seduce Quasimodo to steal the bell, but as the two meet, they begin to fall in love, and it’s up to them to stop the “evil” Sarousch.

So yes, the film is essentially a repeat of the first films morale of true beauty is in the inside. But where the original did it with a sense of grace and it’s richly brought to life characters and visuals. This one does it with such a ham-fisted approach, it feel like I’m being bashed in the head with a baseball bat, with a nail in it. There’s just no grace or subtly to it, even kids will think this is overly sappy.

Of course that’s not the only thing that is completely botched up, they somehow got the entire original voice cast to reprise their roles, but it’s fairly obvious that they are completely uninterested in what is happening, the voice acting feels phoned in, and Haley Joel Osment, who’s a really excellent actor, was degraded to an annoying child star in this with the role of Zephyr. It’s really frustrating to see these characters, who were fleshed out and actual people in the first film, turned to one dimensional shells of what they once were. Jennifer Love Hewitt as Madellaine is a generic “spunky” female love interest, feeling shallow and uninteresting, lacking any of the spark or energy Esmeralda had in the original. Also the gargoyles, perhaps the only problem I had with the first film (the principle of the characters were not the problem, it’s that they were misused, and felt like a vain attempt to recapture the genius of Aladdin’s Genie), feel strangely at home with the film’s sappy and corny humor, but still come off as annoying.

Of course the tragic misuse of its cast falls pale in comparison to the film's villain, Sarousch. While the original film was notable for Frollo, a genocidal religious psycho who made the film twice as watchable as it already was. This guy... isn‘t. Sarousch is a Faye, flamboyant, narcissist who is so gay for himself, he has mirrors and pictures of himself all over his office. What’s his motive, to steal a bell, wow, that sounds threatening. His problem is that he isn’t threatening in the slightest, we have no reason to be concerned about this guy. I’m not kidding when I say I could kick this guys ass. Hell, I can name at least 20 lame villains better then this guy. He’s worse then the blue lips dude from Dungeons and Dragons, worse then John Travolta in dreadlocks in Battlefield Earth, worse then that loser butler from The Aristocats, worse then almost any villain you could possibly think of, it’s downright painful to watch him. We don’t hate him in the right context either, the best villains are the ones you love to hate, I just hate this guy. I mean look at him:

Ugh, we haven’t even gotten to the film’s gaudy production values. One thing people will immediately notice is how horrifically awful the animation is, even by direct-to-video standards this is inexcusable. Apparently, the people making this never heard of shading or lighting effects. Because of this, the animation looks completely flat, and there is no sense of depth or blending between the characters and environment, all the characters looks like they’re being glued to an existing background. Colors are washed out and boring, even The Lion King 2 has the courtesy to have a vibrant color palate. Character animation leaves a lot be desired, and it seems static. Finally, environments seem empty for some reason. I mean, compare the animation in this sequence from the first film:

Then compare it to the opening scene of the second one:

I know what you’re saying “Well, it’s direct to video, it’s budget is smaller, so what if it’s six years difference, you can’t expect a huge theatrical spectacle”, yes, that’s true, but at the very least, some form of remote quality is to be expected, I know 2D animated films that were made with a fraction of what was probably this film’s budget that look way more professional and of higher quality then this.

Of course this film is a musical, and has a grand total of four songs, and all of them are horrible. Not that anyone was expecting Alan Menken while watching this, but at least don’t make songs that are grating on the ear’s. Really, listen to the love song:

I think I’ll end it at that note.

I could go into further into detail about how it ruins all the great qualities of the first film, the fact that its plot is too far low key for its own good, its pitiful excuse for a climax, or how it has no right to exist. But that would be stating the obvious, the same way the first film took a nice spot in my top 20 favorite films of all time, this sequel takes a spot in my bottom 5, it is without a doubt one of the worst films I’ve ever seen, not since The Last Airbender have I been so offended at a film sucking at badly as this does. Giving it a 0 out of 10 would imply it is worthy of any numerical value, instead I shall give it a:

FINAL SCORE:

out of 10

Dooley's Doodles Will Now Post on Fridays and Saturdays

2011-01-14T17:00:00.000-08:00

Dooley's Doodles will be on hiatus (Again) (Again)

2010-08-08T00:31:00.001-07:00

Until further notice.

...

Here's a funny video.

I"M BACK

2010-03-08T18:50:00.000-08:00

Sorry about that, forgot for a while I had a blog, so, how have you been?

In other news, Iron Man 2 looks better then sex.

Spread the word.

Dooley's Doodles Reopens December 18th

2009-12-07T18:15:00.000-08:00

After a long and painful break, this blog will return with a bang. With what? You'll have to wait and see.

YAY WATCHMEN ULTIMATE CUT... but

2009-09-24T20:51:00.000-07:00

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THAT COVER?!?!

BTW: updates are coming, I swear.

Dooley's Doodles will be back VERY soon

2009-08-20T20:15:00.000-07:00

School has started, I have been busy, and I am sorry. But here are some rants and other things that will be up soon.

5 things Evangelion 3.0 and Final BETTER Do

Why the Live Action Death Note is better then the Anime

Why Kingdom Hearts 2: Final Mix should be released internationally

A Tale of Two Avatars

All of these should be released within a span of a week. So VERY soon.

Dooley's Doodles will be on hiatus (Again)

2009-06-26T23:03:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving town soon (again), and won't be near a computer for about 2 weeks, so no posts untill then. But still, it's nice to get out of town. Till then whoever is reading this (again).

MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD!!!!!!

2009-06-25T17:29:00.001-07:00

NO REALLY, HE IS, HOLLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Live Action Avatar Looks Like...

2009-06-23T09:06:00.000-07:00

Well, a live action Avatar movie, I can't complain about a film that hasn't even finished shooting yet. But right now, as a fan who saw the entire series in under 6 days, I'll take it.

2 rants should be posted tonight.

Okay, This Has Got to Stop

2009-06-16T16:51:00.000-07:00

http://www.gamespot.com/news/blogs/sidebar/909182374/26922137/so-called-halo-killer-gets-23-to-life.html

"I feel confident that if there were no such thing as violent video games, I wouldn't know Daniel Petric."

That is what the judge said about the "Halo Killer" who shot his mother dead and wounded his father while suffering a serious addiction to Halo 3. The blame is on the game was so violent that it, not his addiction, or the possible fact that spending 18 hours a day for a month or 2 could have made him unstable. No, it was all Halo 3's fault.

Not only am I sick of people saying people will murder because of violent video games, but it doesn't make sense that he would kill just because it was okay in Halo 3, his parents began to restrain the time he could play it after a while, he was suffering a serious addiction, and again, he was probably unstable, it's no different with something like drugs. But, after all, America's media will always take the easiest target and try to look at this from a deeper, less biased, angle. It's like those assholes online who think anime and manga are responsible for all the yaoi fanfics and hypersexilization (I think that's a word) of cartoons and video games (personally, I blame The Smurfs, but that's debatable).

Also, the quote above is like, "yeah, it's not like movies, music, drugs, or alcohol can lead to murder, murder only started after video games popped up". It's no better then when Jack Tompson, a loathsome, incompetent, hack, was still around. The guy was unstable and was probably mentally disturbed, simple as that. Might as well give Halo 3 the sentence if you want to blame video games.

What is Coming Out?

2009-06-14T07:44:00.000-07:00

Nothing is what it looks like? Other then Harry Potter and (god help you) Transformers, all the big summer releases were released back in May. It seems to be a pretty dry summer. But hey, at least we're getting a movie with zombie Nazis.

(No, really, we are, here's the trailer to prove it)

She's Actually a Great Character, But you Wouldn't Tell

2009-06-14T06:58:00.000-07:00

Cleavage Shots: 17
Bounce Count: 9

As a side note: Gurren Lagann is AMAZING!!!!!!! Also, yes, I counted, I am very bored today.

There Is No God

2009-06-01T22:03:00.002-07:00

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/twilight/news/1824195/2009_mtv_movie_awards_full_winners_list

That's it, this generation of movie-goers are absolute idiots. I'm going to go in a corner and cry myself to sleep.

New Reviews at TGWTG.com

2009-05-30T15:40:00.000-07:00

Here's the links

Watchmen
http://www.thatguywiththeglasses.com/blog/7541

Star Trek
http://www.thatguywiththeglasses.com/blog/7542

Up
http://www.thatguywiththeglasses.com/blog/7612

Drag Me To Hell
http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/blog/7657

Happy reading.

Okay, this is the last straw

2009-05-27T15:03:00.001-07:00

By this point, I am absolutley sick of people trying to make action films out of franchises that orginally had little-to-no action (ex. Star Trek), I've seen many types of these, and I've swallowed a lot of it.

BUT SHERLOCK HOLMES?!

ARE PEOPLE THAT DESPERATE, DOES HOLLYWOOD REALLY THINK EVERY SINGLE MOVIEGOER HAS A TERRIBLE CASE OF ADD!? WHAT'S NEXT, DOCTOR WHO!? TO HELL WITH YOU HOLLYWOOD, TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All Reviews will be going to TGWTG.com soon

2009-05-27T00:36:00.001-07:00

As well as my reviews for Star Trek, Angels and Demons, Watchmen, Terminator, Up, and Drag Me to Hell, so there's a lot of content coming.

It's Nice, but it feels wierd

2009-05-16T02:12:00.000-07:00

Well I finally got to catching up to EVA news, and I finally got to see the design for the new pilot.

Wow, she looks... pleasant...

...pleasant, in Evangelion...

Well chances are that she was abused by her father... and mother, thrown into a lake to drown and then was beaten by the hammer of Thor as wielded by Invader Zim. But we can hope for someone other then Kaji to not go into complete states of emo by the end of the show (oh wait, he died, hmm).

YAY

2009-05-12T15:26:00.001-07:00

IT'S ABOUT FREAKING TIME!!!!!!!!!

If you haven't guessed, Watchmen (one of the best comic book adaptations ever) has finally been announced for DVD and blu-ray. DVD will see a release of a single disc, widescreen and (god help you) fullscreen of the theatrical cut. As well as a 2-disc director's cut with a digital copy of the theatrical cut (WIDESCREEN ONLY, PAN-AND-SCAN SUCKS). While Blu-ray will get all the bonus features of the 2-disc DVD as well as some additional cool extras. Here a list of extras. With blu-ray exclusives highlighted in blue.

Maximum Movie Mode
Watchmen: Focus Points
The Phenomenon: The Comic that Changed Comics
Real Super Heroes, Real Vigilantes
Mechanics: Technologies of a Fantastic World
Music Video: Desolation Row (My Chemical Romance)
Digital Copy (theatrical cut)
BD-Live

Now let's talk about the...

Wait...

THAT IT!?

What about the Absolute cut with The Black Freighter footage in it? What about that 5-disc boxset with all 3 versions, the Black Freighter (with Under the Hood) disc, and an entire disc with 6 hours of bonus features we know is out there?

Damn it, the studio's going to double dip us, they did it with Blade Runner, and they'll do it with Watchmen.

And I'll buy both releases anyway :(.

You Know What

2009-05-08T20:20:00.000-07:00

Maybe anyone who will read this blog might be getting a negative vibe. I mean, I briefly mention good stuff, but I go into detail about stuff that sucks. But there when I realized, it's easy to criticize, I mean, Zero Punctuation made his entire career around nitpicking good games, but it's harder to praise. I don't what to be known as some whiny bastard who sits at his computer all days finding ways to whine and moan. I'm actually quite pleasant in person. So maybe I should more into detail about stuff I like.

Going to Star Trek tomorrow completely blind, hope it works as a movie, I don't want this to be the Indy 4 of 2009 where the only who keep complaining are Trekkies in their late-40s, and they spend MONTHS on fourms, ranting and being mean-spirited.

Let's pray.

X-Men Orgins: Wolverine Review

2009-05-02T13:37:00.000-07:00

What happened?

I'm serious, you get the series off to a good star with X1, a fun, deep, and true-to-the-comics film. Then you surpass it with the completely superior and awesome X2. Why, why would you give to the director of Rush Hour, sure Bryan Singer decided to do Superman Returns, but was there anyone else that you couldn't get, like Zack Synder (oh, wait 300), or even goddamn Micheal Bay, just anyone but Brett Ranter, that moron gave us X-Men: The Last Stand, a completely mindless and witless blow-up gallery that fails as even a popcorn movie. Why? This movie looked awesome, you gave us hope, and you gave us X-Men Origins: Wolverine. A completely claustrophobic, poorly written, and disconnected mess of movie.

Remember those shots of good old Logan (aka Wolverine, once again played by Hugh Jackman) and Victor (aka Sabertooth, played by Liev Schreiber) in the Cival War, World War's I and II. Yeah, that's the goddamn opening credits. The story doesn't focus on Wolverine's life till his memory was whipped by X2 villain William Stryker. But rather, it focuses on his exploits to take down a younger (and strangely preppy looking) Sabertooth. His eventual willing to allow Stryker to give him his Adamantium skeleton, and something like that, I don't know, I stopped caring about the half-hour point.

That's a sign of a well-written story, you don't care...I'm sorry what was the point of this movie, to focus on Wolverine, well didn't the other 3 movies already give him top billing? He's indestructible, he has massive metal claws, how can we rot for this guy, when we know he'll win anyway, the 1st 3 movies worked around this and gave him a weak spot, the 1st had Magneto's abilities, the 2nd gave him a counterpart (that led to a particularly brutal action scene), and the 3rd had Jean's ability to do, well, anything. He has no match here, he's basically a walking magnet for over-the-top action scenes. Also, like X3, a problem comes in when you have mutants in the movie that are there just for the sake of being there, maybe they do like ONE thing, but really, if could have been done in some other way, it's like in X3 when they had that whole subplot with Angel, he didn't contribute anything to the movie, other then save that senator, but again, that could have been done without. Same here with good old Emma Frost, she in the movie, but I don't remember her doing anything besides deflecting a few bullets. A young Cyclops is in here, just for the sake of showing him meeting Xavier. Why?

But the worst offender is Deadpool, no snarky attitude, no breaking-the-4th-wall, no red spandex, and near the end, he becomes that weird swordguy from the 1st Hellboy, WHAT THE HELL!!?? The entire story is just a collection of action scenes mixed with some decent dialogue scenes.

The acting is no better either, while Hugh Jackman gives his all, considering the terrible script, everyone else seems to not care, everyone outside of Jackman is dull and lifeless.

You'd think that at least the action scenes (which was X3's redeeming factor) would be fun to watch, nope, not even those work. The action scenes are poorly edited, even more poorly scripted, and resorts to that whole ADD-you-can't-see-anything-but-this-way-it-will-get-a-PG-13 rating. While almost every other superhero movie doesn't do this and still gets a PG-13 rating. They're also generally uninteresting. You'd think this movie would make some decent popcorn entertainment. But it fails on even that mark.

The only good things I could salvage out of this disaster was a excellent sound design and some good make-up. But some people could not even notice this, that's when you know when you f-ed up.

But lastly, this film fells strangely disconnected from the rest of the movies, which while it should, it's in the wrong sense, the lab Wolverine gets his metal skeleton in looks nothing like the one in X2, even why you put in the fact the lab wasn't used for quite some time after that, we have no idea how Sabertooth in this movie got to how he was in the 1st movie, or even how Magneto found him. We were let on Wolverine lost his memory during the experiment, but in this movie, Stryker just shots him in the head twice with Adamantium bullets and he loses his memory. It's continuity with the trilogy is disjointed and fans will be annoyed as it is. So again, what was the point of this movie?

This movie would have been more interesting in that whole opening sequence with him in the wars and his relationship with Victor was made into the 1st half of the movie, also the film's running time was 130 minutes, and 107 minutes. It could have been at least an interesting look into the early life of Wolverine, and in all honesty, I was hoping the critics were wrong. But instead, we get a pointless prequel that doesn't know what it's trying to be. A poorly written, disjointed story, mediocre action scenes, and bland acting create a film that surpasses X-Men: The Last Stand in terms of awfulness. A tough feat to be sure. But let's get this straight, X-Men films are dead, Byran Singer made his decision to move on, and that alone should have been a sign to stop, and you know what, Spiderman, stop, Fantastic Four, stop, however, Ironman, Hulk, and anything leading up to The Avengers movie, keep going. Because at least Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk didn't suck and could handle a good script and good action scenes. Just don't watch it, do not spend your money on this, just don't.

Score: Story: 2 out of 10
Acting: 2 out of 10
Sound: 6 out of 10
Entertainment Value: 2 out of 10
Relevance: 1 out of 10

FINAL SCORE: 2.6 out of 10

About the TMNT Review

2009-04-22T06:13:00.000-07:00

On Thatguywiththeglasses.com, the Nostalgia Critic has just posted his new review of the 2007 film, TMNT, and sorry, as much as I love the guy, I have to say that this is not only his worst review yet, it's one of the worst reviews from a well respect Internet critic ever.

I'm starting to see that Doug is now showing a downhill slope in the quality of his reviews, while I did get a kick out of his Top 11 Dumbest Superman Moments (just because it's so true), his reviews have been starting to decay in quality. But what do you expect when you have to churn 20 minute reviews every week, I'm amazed that he kept it up being funny this long (but that's why I love him, mostly). Remember when the site first started, we went to the site for more then Atop the Fourth Wall, Angry Joe, and Benzaie, we went there because we wanted the latest review from the nostalgia critic, and most of his early reviews stand as his best, but why though?

Simple, and it's what Doug has been sorely lacking recently, content, some of his 1st reviews were funny because they were the right movies to make fun of. Batman and Robin was perfect for the idea he was on the edge of suicide while reviewing. The Wizard is just easy to make fun of, and Captain Planet is pretty self-explanatory. There are films or shows that are so bad, they are pretty easy to make fun of. But this is where the problem for the critic might come in, those are reviews we laughed with because either you haven't seen the movie and you just laugh at how bad it looks, or you have seen the movie and the review emulates you and a bunch of friends making couch commentary while watching the movie, not that it was a bad thing, he kept it fresh, with Top 11 list every 2 months to spice things up, he obviously has skill, and a good sense of humor. His fake feud with the AVGN is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

But 2009 seemed like an omen for him, getting off right with a duo review with the Nostalgia Chick of Ferngully. But seriously, Pagemaster, Moonwalker, I'm thinking that Doug has hit the creativity wall, which ironically he was trying not to hit with the 5 second movies (which is why he stopped doing them). I personally think that Doug has run out of good content, Moonwalker was completely stupid, but Doug doesn't need to review to because honestly, Moonwalker is a fun that basically makes fun of itself. I'm not trying to imply that there are films or shows that are unreviewable, but they don't lend itself to a funny negative review. Reviewing Snakes on a Plane would be entirely pointless because that movie is very much a parody of itself.

Now the TMNT review itself, it's like Doug wasn't even trying, sure TMNT has it's problems (the stories of the series' films have never been grade A stuff) but generally it's a pretty good and entertaining film, and it at least, unlike the 1st 2, has a climax. The review itself fails on almost every conceivable level, with him nitpicking with every minuscule annoyance, it's the 1st time I feel he had to force himself to find flaws, which with a review is a GIANT no-no. Your complaints had to be valid and have to be so obvious or so stubble that exploiting it is funny. But those problems can't so completely obvious that just watching the movie would be funnier (like Troll 2).

Call it moaning, call it constructive criticism, I just feel that Doug should take a lengthy hiatus just to chill off and try to find better content and maybe flesh out his reviews. But hey, next week he's reviewing Red Sonja, so maybe there's hope yet. I like Doug, I like his work, and I don't want him to hit a wall and for him to stagnant. It's amazing that some critics haven't hit that wall yet. So Doug, hope for the best for the next review.

Also note:

That's surreal

On a Side Note

2009-04-09T20:00:00.000-07:00

The 1st episode of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood was pretty good, It's not Fullmetal Alchemist as it's best, but it's certainly entertaining, and shows signs of good things to come, it's available for free and subtitled at Funimation's website, go check it out.

5 Terrible Films (That the Common Person would say is Great) Part 2

2009-03-22T18:36:00.000-07:00

2. Friday the 13th (the original)

"Actually the movie's only 95 minutes"

What the common person says about the film:
"A terrifying, sexy, and classic slasher that defines the genre as a whole, held together by a classic score, and has one hell of a twist ending."

What they really mean to say is:
"I like boobs and gore, and don't give a rat's ass about anything else, as long as you show me a couple decapitations and thingies, I'll watch your movie, oh, and the ending's good."

Why the movie sucks:
Using the word "classic" to define this movie is only partially true, yes, it's a strong example of the slasher genre as a whole, but did it bring absolutely anything to the genre, no. In fact, it's rips off Halloween and Black Christmas every chance it gets, and the "classic score" I hear so much about is just a rip off of the Psycho score. Like most slashers back in the 80s, it thinks it can get with a mediocre script with sex and blood. Sure, it's not anywhere near as bad as some of the other films in the series (Jason Takes Manhattan and Jason X are borderline unwatchable), but this film makes the list because it was the one to start the damn franchise that has 9, 9, sequels, a crossover with the far superior Nightmare on Elm Street, and a remake, also, they're already planning a sequel to the remake, damn it, stop it.

Why liking this film makes you a hypocrite:
Did you see Watchmen, the sexiest and bloodiest superhero movie ever, yeah, I didn't think so.

1. Batman and Robin (yes, people actually find this watchable)

"Seriously?"

What the common person says about the film:
"OH, PRETTY COLORS, ACTION SCENES, FUNNY ONE-LINERS, ME LIKE BATMAN AND ROBIN"

What they really mean to say is:
"I'm an idiot"

Why the movie sucks:
Where do I begin, the horrible acting, direction, lighting, Mr. Freeze's cringe worthy one liners ("Let's kick some ice"), the bat nipples, the bat asses, Chris O'Donnell's whiny Robin, everything about this film reeks of pure concentrated stupidity and evil. This is not only the worst film on the list, but liking this film is a true shame on to itself, saying that as long as there are pretty colors and pretty boys on screen, you'll buy a ticket, it is people like them that cinema has become a wasteland of extended trailers, 3-D concerts for horrible "musicians" that sold their souls to Disney for a few years of fame, and the reason Micheal Bay and Uwe Boll are still allowed to make movies. You are the reason that cinema has become a parody of itself, for not only allowing films like this be made, but be seen, this disater made $100 million in the U.S alone. What the hell? As long as you people decide with your wallets, stupid people will keep making stupid films that can sometimes stain great franchises.

Why liking this film makes you a hypocrite:
Again, liking this film doesn't make you hypocrite, y ou're just an idiot.

Well, at least we can all agree Fantastic Four blew ass... RIGHT?

5 Terrible Films (That the Common Person would say is Great) Part 1

2009-03-20T21:13:00.000-07:00

Opinions differ from person to person, there's no denying that, and that is no where evident then taste in films. Someone can think a certain movie is entertaining, while another person says it's boring. I'm not saying that people should like the same movies, because then cinema would be boning.

But there's a difference between differing, but backed up opinions, and just liking a film because of certain things it does and not looking at the full picture. Which is why the following films are somehow considered good. I won't talk about about how The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones could be considered good, because we'll be here forever. No, we're talking about films like...

5. Transformers

"I accept Optimus Prime as my lord and savior"

Now while I don't think Transformers is as bad as most fans say it is, it's still pretty bad. Starring Shia LaBeouf (in another one of Steven Spielberg attempts at making him a star, as ANYTHING he's involved him has Shia in it) as some kid no one cares about, and Megan Fox (who is continuing to sexy as hell but can't act to save her life) as some girl no one cares about caught in the middle of a war between two robot races.

What the common person says about the film:
"It was awesome, the special effects were cool and the actions scenes were some of the best I've seen, things kept blowing up and all hell was breaking loose and it was amazing, going to be one of my first blu-ray films".

What they really mean to say is:
"I love explosions, and only watch movies with lots of explosions, I can't stand people talking for more then 3 seconds, the only way you'll keep me interested is if you blow something up every 5 seconds, that's how I roll".

Why the movie sucks:
Remember what happened with Alien Vs. Predator (both of them), not only were they incredibly dull and boring flicks, the writers actually thought we gave a rat's ass about the humans, hell no, since there is no Sigourney Weaver or Arnold Schwarzenegger, the only thing we cared about was seeing the Aliens and Predators duking it out in a film so violent that the unrated version would be 4 minutes longer just from blood and gore. We got a PG-13 rated excuse of a crossover that spent about too much time with boring and uninteresting characters. Even when they gave us gore in the 2nd one, everything bad about the 1st AVP was still there.

Same here with Transformers, we had absolutely no interest in human characters, all we wanted to see was giant robots fighting each other to the death and in the most epic action film ever. The film had other ideas, like working on a terrible screenplay, bland characters, flat-beyond-belief acting, and a heavy reliance on generic action scenes. Also, the Transformers, didn't look like Transformers, that looked like Bionicles on steroids.

Why liking this film makes you a hypocrite:
Because that some person who love explosions so much probably hates Pearl Harbor, but why you may ask, well it's spends a freaking hour (remember, it's 3 hours) on this stupid love triangle, overshadowing the explosions. You retard.

4. Space Jam:

"Raspberry"

When the Looney Tunes are threatened to be turns into slaves by a bunch of aliens unless they win a basketball game against them, they call the help of Micheal Jordan to help them train and save the day.

What the common person says about the film:
"It's hilarious, great animation, and non-stop laughs and fun make this film a absolute joy, and you can't go wrong with Micheal Jordan and Bugs Bunny in the same movie".

What they really mean to say is:
"I like Micheal Jordan and/or Looney Tunes to the point where my perception of good and bad with these two are non-existent."

Why the movie sucks:
Read the plot description I gave you a couple times, let it sink in. I can not believe that some actually thought THIS would make a entertaining film, who in god's name would be stupid enough to green light this? Why the hell would someone think the Looney Tunes NOT being completely insane and over-the-top but instead playing basketball would be true to the classic cartoons?

Also, it's boring, pretentious, and the Looney Tunes are a bunch of assholes. Micheal Jordan's performance is one of the worst I've ever seen, and the animation is terrible, I've watched 80's cartoons with more consistent frame rates.

Why liking this film makes you a hypocrite:

Because I've heard about every 9 out of 10 people say who liked Space Jam, hated Looney Tunes: Back in Action. OH, MY, GOD, PEOPLE. Seriously, this movie is 100 times the movie Space Jam will ever be. The people in the movie can actually act, the animation quality is consistent, and it's one of the few times having a live action cartoon was the right direction to go. Joe Dante, the director of Back in Action, has stated to have hated Space Jam, and guess what, he gave us a film that was hysterical and at the same time, true to the Looney Tunes. Back in Action is the film Space Jam should have been.

3. Speed Racer:

"It's like Mario Kart, except Mario is a sperm, and everyone else is candy"

Speed is the fastest driver ever, in the midst of his family being in danger from an evil cooperation, he must (you guessed it) race to save his family.

What the common person says about the film:
"Amazing special effects and an absolutely beautiful world create a entertaining film, some might say it's stupid, but it's a live action cartoon, beside, it has a monkey, how can you go wrong with that?"

What they really mean to say is:
"I do acid and like to watch movies that remind me that I do acid, there was a lot of pretty colors, it was like drugs without drugs, truly great, and it has a monkey."

Why the movie sucks:
Now having a live action cartoon is not instant doom for a film, you just have to do it right, like again, Back in Action. But Speed Racer just doesn't work, it's not that might have taken the right direction, it's that Speed Racer was done in the early days of anime, it was told in such a way that trying to get into 2 hours could not be done without it being sloppy. Speed Racer is just not a show that lends itself to a film, especially a live action one.

On top of that, the entire story is just a mess, it's poorly acted, and even saying it's a live action cartoon is a poor excuse, as even poor cartoons have less wooden line delivery. The special effects are just a massive cluster of pretty colors that if you see on an IMAX screen, could give you a seizure. Lastly, it's really boring.

Also, it has a monkey.

Why liking this film makes you a hypocrite:

There are plenty of better "acid trip" movies you've probably never seen or even never heard of. Some of Disney's earlier films like Fantasia or Pinocchio, are masterpieces of animation, but in today's world, can be considered trippy. There are just better ways to make you feel like you're taking drugs without taking drugs. Ever considered playing Killer 7?

TO BE CONTINUED (OH NOES)

Pray the lords Alan Moore never sees this

2009-03-11T01:16:00.001-07:00

Who Watches the Watchmen?

2009-03-06T22:47:00.000-08:00

I did, and so should you, it's excellent, it's like, one of the best superhero movies ever made.

I Have Found the Queen of Gaming

2009-02-21T11:50:00.001-08:00

Live Action Goku in his "Oozaru" Form

2009-02-16T00:46:00.000-08:00

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You just keep finding ways to rape my childhood, don't you?

The 2008 Election...

2009-02-15T10:32:00.000-08:00

as depicted by crazy Japanese anime in a remake of an 80's classic.

While I am an open supporter of Obama, that's pretty much the election in a nutshell.

New Review(s) at TGWTG.com

2009-01-18T13:52:00.000-08:00

I have just posted a review of the lastest horror remake, My Bloody Valentine 3D. Want to check it out, go to this URL: http://www.thatguywiththeglasses.com/component/content/article/54/3708

Also, go check my Dark Knight DVD Review at this URL: http://www.thatguywiththeglasses.com/component/content/article/54/3242

That's all.

Screw you Fox

2009-01-17T20:57:00.000-08:00

So apparently 20th Century Fox, the jerks that almost delayed Watchmen (by the way, get the book, like right now, just go to the book store and get it) and are going to destroy Dragon Ball, have confirmed that they will be doing a live action version of Cowboy Bebop, you know, the anime that perfected the episodic format of story telling, the one with the best anime soundtrack of all time, the ultimate follow up to the absolutely great Neon Genesis Evangelion. As some fans would, I am somewhat disturbed by the idea, as it is something mythic to fans, very much like Dragon Ball, unlike Dragon Ball though, some of the staff from the show, including the director, Shinichiro Watanabe. are going to get in a word as the film's associtate producers, so maybe we get something enjoyable, esspecailly if we Yoko Kanno and The Seatbelts back to compose the music. But there is a 99% chance of it just being pain after they annoucnced who will play Spike.

Guess, come on guess.

Yep, Keanu Reeves, the "woah" Keanu Reeves, the "that screwed up Klaatu" Keanu Reeves, the "Mr. No Emotions" Keanu Reeves. He will play the bounty hunter with a wide range of emotions and also a guy who can be very funny at points.

I think Fox is going to destroy another property beloved by a massive fan base again.

2008 Film "Awards"

2009-01-01T16:00:00.000-08:00

Well happy new year, and that's pretty much it.

Of course, you're not here for me to say that. Here are some rewards I have for the best and worst films of 2008.

Best 3 Films of the Year

Milk: This incredible look into the life and times of Harvey Milk was wonderfully constructed, fantastically acted, and was truly about something. Sean Penn was especially strong as Harvey, but even with him dominating, all of the acting was incredibly solid. It also made interesting use of Stock footage, mixing it with footage made for the movie. Great writing and wonderfully shot, Milk is one of the most powerful films I've seen in a while.

Wall-E: Pixar has made another masterpiece, this may have the most obvious social commentary this side of George Romero. But it's the fact that almost 2/3rds of the story is told without voice acting, it's told through body movement, and if you can tell a love story and preform strong (if not obvious) social commentary by those standards, I'd consider that an achievement. Not only that, it's looks and sounds fantastic, giving that balance Pixar is well known for. But it makes a close 2nd to my favorite film of the year.

The Dark Knight: Dark and powerful, made stronger by Ledger's bow-out performance, in what is the strongest portrayal of The Joker since The Killing Joke. The Dark Knight is just damn near perfect. While Wall-E is damn near perfect as well, it's not quite as deep or as rewarding. There is not one unintentionally laughable moment or poor acting anywhere in this film. Despite running a couple minutes too long, and Batman's Batman voice being a bit too much. The Dark Knight is both the best time and most powerful time I had at the theaters this year. If you have not seen it, where the hell have you been? Go see it now, NOW!!!

Brief top 9 Best Film list:
9. Cloverfield
8. Hellboy II: The Golden Army
7.Tropic Thunder
6. Burn After Reading
5. Doubt

4. Iron Man
3. Milk
2. Wall-E
1. The Dark Knight

Brief Top 5 Worst Film List:
5. Blindness
4. Speed Racer
3. Star Wars: The Clone Wars
2. Max Payne
1. The Spirit

Most Surprisingly Enjoyable Film:
Bolt: I went into Bolt, Disney's lastest animated film, expecting to hate it, but after the hilarious opening sequence, I was able to sit down and enjoy it, likable characters, a strong sense of humor, and looking good, Bolt was probably Disney's best non-pixar animated film since 99's Tarzan.

Most Overrated Film:
Kung Fu Panda: Sure, Jack Black was not quite as annoying as he is in some of his weaker films. But Despite the kung fu and the action and animals, Kung Fu Panda is a giant fat joke. The entire training montage has him training so he can a couple of scraps of food. He gets into a massive action scene over sushi. Also, the movie is about the power within, but he never uses his kung fu powers "within him" in the final battle. He just uses stuff Home Alone would use if it was in a marketplace. So I don't know how it got 84% on the tomato meter.

So Knight, Spirit, Bolt, and Panda are our 4 winners for my "Awards". We will just see what the cinema will be in 2009. Till then.

Have a Great 2009

2008-12-28T12:05:00.000-08:00

That's all I have to say, just have a nice new year, and thanks for making my first year with this blog a pleasant one. I will have some "interesting" rewards for the games and movies of this year. Lastly, I didn't do this earlier because I have been welcoming my new PS3 to the gaming family. Going to start playing Little Big Planet tonight.

Also, Pain (the game) IS COMPLETELY f$%@ING AWESOME AND ANYONE WITH A PS3 SHOULD DOWNLOAD IT!!!!!!

Is It me or...

2008-12-17T11:20:00.000-08:00

Did Versus actually out-cool the actual Final Fantasy XIII?

My bet is FF13 will be a better game, but Versus will have a more interesting story.

Reviews Going to ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com

2008-12-14T15:42:00.000-08:00

That's right, starting next week, all reviews (and all future reviews) will be posted on my account on ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com, due to this, this blog will now be what it is meant to be, a blog, just posting my thoughts and stuff I want to talk about. I'll tell you when a new review is up. My last new review on this blog will be the DVD release of The Dark Knight.

So, about the trailer, WHAT THE HELL DID THEY DO TO DRAGON BALL, I MEAN, REALLY, THIS MOVIE IS OVER, THERE IS NO, AND I MEAN, NO, CHANCE OF IT BEING GOOD NOW, YOU HEAR ME, IT'S SCREWED!!!!!!!!!!

Reason Number 7 You're Going to Hate the Live Action Dragon Ball

2008-12-10T16:31:00.000-08:00

The Coach Voted Republican

2008-12-05T19:26:00.000-08:00

So the Christmas season has begun, what a wonderful season, a time of happiness, a time where people can show off with incredible decorations, the only downside is finals of course. But anyways, I started watching some Christmas specials. Got a nice cheese pizza and popped in Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, and while watching, I realized how out-dated it was.

First off, it's extremely biased, and strangely homophobic. Rudolph and the elf were like the gay men in the 60s, and the other reindeer were like the die-hard conservatives that are as white possibly, you know, those idiots who are like "dude, you don't like girls/dude, you're not white, go back to Russia". But would that make Rudolph's nose like Martain Luther King Jr. or Barrack Obama (P.S. YAY ON HIS VICTORY)?

Also, Santa is kind of grumpy in this one, isn't he supposed to be really happy and what the hell is with the chief elf, it's like what they said about the live action Grinch, everyone is angry when they should be happy. Lastly, what Yukon Cornelius does when looking for silver and gold, that's creepy.

So yeah, not the holiday classic I remember, but still overall good despite it's questionably out-dated content. I'm going to get some shopping done tomorrow and then watch Elf, the only good Christmas film that has come out in a LONG time.

And yes, the coach I mean is the coach for the reindeer games.

This Movie was Made for Kids?

2008-11-20T19:52:00.000-08:00

Disney can get away with anything, can't they?

Bones to Pick With (Part 1)

2008-11-16T18:05:00.001-08:00

Sometimes we're just pissed off at people, sometimes we want to talk about how much we hate them. Sometimes we have a bone to pick with them, here are some of those people for me.

Haters of Indiana Jones 4

You know, you people just don't know when to end, do you? If you don't like it, fine, BUT, if all of your complaints are nitpicking, or just all you do every day, is going on forums telling people how much you hate the movie, that's where I get pissed. Yes, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is the weakest of the series, BUT, I still like it, and no amount of people who review this movie unfairly, because "the first 3 were the foundation of their childhood", and not judge it as a movie first, can do to change it. SO SCREW YOU BUCKO!!!!

"Crawling" AMVs

You people don't know good music or editing skills to save your life, placing it in every single anime known to mankind, and most of the time, the song has nothing to do with the show, that just think it sounds cool, but then again, that can be said with most AMVs. You know how many videos I got on youtube when I looked up "crawling amv naruto"? 817!!!! Listen AMV makers, try to find a song that fits with the anime, spend some time editing (3 HOURS DOES NOT COUNT), and for goodness sakes, use something other then Windows Movie Maker (remember kids, don't be like me) and instead of this...

You could get something like this.

Yahtzee of Zero Punctuation

I don't care if suspossed to be super influential, I don't like him. In general, I think Yahtzee is a terrible reviewer, and not valid since he didn't review every aspect of the game, he even admits not to have reviewed multi-player for some of the games he's reviewed, and he nitpicks, which I absolutely despise, because it's not actual criticism, it's just people whining. In fact, I'd say he nitpicks more then the AVGN, Armake21, and Spoony combined. Also, I'm sick of fanboys saying Bioshock is inferior in every way when compared to System Shock 2, well in that case, System Shock 2 must be the best game ever, because Bioshock is brilliant. Also, I'd like to see this Super Mario Galaxy with a bad camera, I'd like to see this Mario Sunshine Superior to Super Mario 64, I'd like to see this Portal with no problems (don't get me wrong, Portal is brilliant as well), I'd like to see this Brawl that can only be enjoyed by miserable nintendo fanboys, and I'd like to see this Soul Calibur IV that can't enjoyed by anyone. With video games, you expect every game to be Ocarina of Time, and therfore, all you seem to do is piss people off, and because you draw funny picture, people label you as "brilliant", also, he's one of the people that likes to shove the whole "you should stop gaming because you've never played Beyond Good and Evil, Psychonauts, and Shadow of the Colossus" message, which I've already hear about 12 people on youtube spend an hour trying to tell me, gee, thanks.

I'll more bones to pick with as soon as I find them.

P.S. I am not saying Beyond Good and Evil, Psychonauts, or Shadow of the Colossus are bad games, in fact, I played about half of Psychonauts back in 2006, and I really liked what I played. I'm just sick of people telling how important it is for me to play them. That's all.

Jack Thompson's Final Battle

2008-11-11T11:36:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't been writing much, balancing school, social life, and some other crap makes it hard to write for my blog. So here's a short story I wrote a couple months ago.

“Grand Theft Auto 5 has sold 19 million copies”.
“Crime rates have increased 110% since the release of Grand Theft Auto 5”.
“7 people murdered, killer claims to have Grand Theft Auto as the inspiration”.
“6 Women raped and killed in the last 8 hours, people say Grand Theft Auto to be the cause”.
“Sales of Crack, Meth, and Marijuana tripled since Grand Theft Auto 5's releases”.
“Grand Theft Auto 5, cause of crime in today's world? More at 7”.

For months, this is what you only saw on news channels, Grand Theft Auto this, Grand Theft Auto that. My name is Jack Tompson, I'm a politician, well, former politician really. Back in 2003, I started my battle against these murder simulators, but no one would listen, all they did was mock me, they made videos and wrote articles on how wrong I was. Then in 2008, the court took my job because they said I did “inappropriate behavior” in court. Then the year was 2015, and the streets were filled with criminals, rapists, drug dealers, killers, and psychopaths. People were being injured and killed left and right, people having their cars, money, belongings, or virginity stolen by these people trained on these murder simulators being marketed as video games.

I realized then it was my duty to stop these monsters from destroying America, I had to kill the criminals, I had to stop the company responsible for Grand Theft Auto, Rockstar, and I had to show the world that I was right. I decided that in order to take down a multi-million company, I would need help. After a couple of weeks of searching, I found my old friend, Max Smith, he known to people as Mr. Win-It-All, because as a lawyer, he has never lost a case. With this money, he was able to buy a massive gallery of weapons, and a relatively nice house. The house was a fusion of Red and Green, it was 2 stories, took up at least half a football field, and was guarded by a 12 foot gate.

He let me inside, even though he didn't see me for at least 7 years. When I came inside, he greeted me with respect. “
Nice to see you again old buddy, what seems to be the problem, oh wait, Grand Theft Auto” he said, he then started to laugh. “
This is no joke, these murder simulators have train people to become a bunch of rabid criminals” I said seriously.
He replied with “If I am making money of their cases, it's not my problem”.
“Oh, really look at this” I said.
Then I showed him a newspaper with the headline “MR. WIN-IT-ALL'S SON AND NIECE KILLED BY MURDERERS TRAINED ON GRAND THEFT AUTO”. He stood there for a few minutes, he then started to cry. I tried to comfort him, but it failed, his only words before he showed pure rage in his eyes were “Now it's my problem”.

He showed me to his weapon gallery, he told me to pick any 3 weapons of my choice for the final battle. I choose a machine gun, a flamethrower, and a shotgun. Max picked out a machine gun, rocket launcher, and the government-banned Sparta boot. We put on amour, equipped our weapons. We were ready for battle.

We spent the next couple of weeks walking in order to find a boat to take us to Edinburgh, Scotland, the base of Rockstar Games, the creators of Grand Theft Auto. The ones trained by GTA knew we were coming, they had any kind of weapon you could think of. It's too bad they didn't know how to use it well. They jumped us, we got out our machine guns and started firing, at least 3 bullets was enough to send them to hell. When one tried to slice Max, he went “THIS IS AMERICA” and kicked him with his Sparta Boot.
You had to be there to understand the massacre, heads were exploding, arms and legs were flying, it was, in a way, a pool of blood. We killed at least 40 of them before we made it to the fortress mass producing these murder simulators.

“I'll guard the entrance, you go and finish those bastards off” Max said to me.

I ran in, I was expecting to be bombarded by an army of Rockstar employees, but instead, there was a unsettling quietness, I felt uneasy, then when I saw blood smeared walls and dismembered bodies, I realized, Grand Theft Auto was so effective at turning people into murderers, that the creators themselves killed each other due to the influence of the game. Talk about irony. It then dawned to me, “if everyone here was dead, how is the game still being produced”? I then heard a strange noise, I was able to find the source of the noise, it was a supercomputer, it was him that was responsible for keeping these murder simulators from disappearing.

“Mr. Tompson, I heard much about you, you are trying to stop me” the supercomputer said to me.
“When I destroy you, there will be no more Grand Theft Auto” I told the Supercomputer.
“You fool, think destroying me will stop Grand Theft Auto, what about the 19 million copies sold, what about pirated copies, face it, you can never stop us, beside, even if you destroyed every last copy, what about you, what would you do for the rest of your life, you lost your job, and you barely have a family, face it, you need Grand Theft Auto” the Supercomputer said.

“Well until that day comes, I'll will fight the good fight” I told him.
Then I blasted the Supercomputer with my shotgun, after 6 shots, it died, there was one thing left to do, I got out the flamethrower and burned Rockstar Games to the ground. I then saw my friend Max, lying on the ground, with 7 figures missing a leg missing too, he was dead, filled with sadness, I fired my gun until every last bullet was gone. The battle was won, but not the war.

The Supercomputer was right, there is still the 19 million copies sold, and the damage done by these people will take some time to repair, but there is good news. The U.S and hopefully other countries banned the sales of Grand Theft Auto 5 and anything related to it, and crime rates have returned to normal. I know to win the war, it will be grueling and lengthy, but as long I live and Grand Theft Auto lives, I will fight the good fight and hope to protect the children of The United States of America.

Wait, I think I hear something, sounds like a ticking noise, OH NO, I HAVE TO LE...

Guess how many errors you can find.

High School Musical 3: Senior Year Review

2008-10-26T15:12:00.000-07:00

The High School Musical series (Yes, I've seen all 3) has always been a mystery to me? Why is it so popular? Why do some people regard it as one of the best musicals ever? To me, the best musicals in a while have been either Chicago (if that counts) and the remake of Hairspray. If anything, the 1st High School Musical is a homage to the classic Disney musicals of old. The second was just a simple cash-in, despite showing improvements. Now we come to the 3rd, the last installment featuring the original cast, now with the last one, will they improve to the point of being good, and give every last minor character a chance to shine?

The answer is yes and no, sure, some of the characters are given their last chance to shine, but most of the movie's problem come from 2 things, the movies have gotten at this point, formulaic, and half of the songs make your mind explode (and not in a good way). By formulaic, I mean all 3 movies share the same basic plot, Troy (played by Zac Efron, once again) is having an identity crisis, and his friends basically tell him "get your crap together", and he does and he and his sidekicks sing it off on stage. Really, that's all 3 in a nutshell, the setup may be different, but if you were to condense the plot of all 3, that's it.

The songs part is also kind of odd, I mean, at least half of the songs are really good, and the dances to the songs are elaborate, but sometimes, this elaboration can get the point of being ridiculous. Not to mention, everyone knows the love songs are always the most unbearable to listen to (of course, you can't have a musical without at least 2 or 3). Also, some parts of the songs make no sense, and at two points, the songs come out of nowhere, there's no cue or music starting up for the song, they just start singing, and I'm wondering "what the hell".

I'm getting into spoilers, so if you don't want to hear, just turn this off.

The movie opens at the last game of the season, Troy and his team, of course, win. We learn, that Troy have been given the opportunity to go to play basketball at UofA, meanwhile, Gabriella (played by Vanessa Hudgens, once again) has been the chance to go to Stanford. At the same time, the drama teacher, is planing a musical (who puts a emphasis on the "a" in musical, and I want to strangle her because of it) about their senior year, called "Sing your Year" (get it?) But, uh-oh, Gabriella is going to an early impression of Stanford during the prom and the music"A"l, uh-oh, Troy is having a conflict choosing between Basketball and Singing, uh-oh, Sharpay (Ashley Tisdale, once again) is a bad guy again (if you notice in all 3, she's a bad guy at the beginning, and a good guy at the end of each movie, no joke), uh-oh, her brother still won't come out of the closet, trouble guaranteed.

You see, that's all to the movie, it explores themes the other 2 movies already explored, and there are so many damn songs, they sing more then they do actually talk, it's not a problem more then it is an annoyance, sure, the purpose of a musical is to tell a story through song, but if 1. the songs are more of an interruption then a form of plot progression, and 2. the interruption songs are not that good, that's a major problem. Hell, even Across the Universe, which wasn't that good a movie, had better plot progression via music, and it was mediocre covers of Beatles songs.

At least this movie actually treats itself as an actual movie, the productions values are impressive, and the good songs really shine, and can easily get stuck in your head. The acting is decent, both Efron and Hudgens can be unbearable at points, but at least it's not Christensen and Portman in Attack of the Clones all over again ("I hate sand"). Plus, the supporting cast does shine here and pulls off some good performances.

Now the ending, oh boy, the ending is ridiculous, (SPOILER ALERT), you know earlier I said Troy is having trouble deciding between singing and basketball, well in the end, he finds a way to pick BOTH. Well for high school and collage, that's fine, but with an actual career, you're going to be forced to make a choice. In fact, I think a sub-plot in High School Musical 4 will be about a memorial committee because Troy's head exploded trying to make a decision (and his head exploded "Scanners" style), now THAT would be awesome.

Now High School Musical 3: Senior Year is not a very good film, and I didn't really like it, but it's energetic, well crafted, and watchable (at least). So I really can't recommend it, but if you like musicals, and you want to see how the trilogy wraps up, I say at least it's worth checking out, but barely.

PROS: Strong production values, some very good songs, good amount of energy
CONS: Uneven acting strength, poor plot progression via songs, and an ending far too clean

SCORE: Story: 4 out of 10
Acting: 5 out of 10
Sound: 8 out of 10
Entertainment Value: 6 out of 10
Energy: 7 out of 10

FINAL SCORE: 6 out of 10

Blindness Review (PART 2)

2008-10-07T18:28:00.001-07:00

The biggest problem with this movie is the characters, which is like the kiss of death for this kind of movie. SIDEBAR: you know why movies like Dawn of the Dead and even Day of the Dead worked, because the cast was small, so you knew which ones to look after and to explore, and most of all, with 2 hours, you had a lot of time to explore said characters. END SIDEBAR. Blindness does not tell you which characters to look after and explore until the last 20 minutes, and even then they are not interesting. Most of the characters are mean, violent, and unthinking people who do stuff that just pissed me off. They also do stuff that blind people, would not do. Why would a blind person use a gun, it's not like he knows what a clip feels like, so how could he reload it? Why would a blind person be portrayed as a savage animal, are people that attached to sight?

I also need to address a very disturbing scene in which the women have to sell sex for food. This scene feels disconnected from the rest of the movie, and it's not that this scene should have been cut out, it's just done in a way that you ask "why", and I just stopped looking after one of them said "can I suck your nipple", there are some acts of violence and sex that could be done well on-screen, but for this, it would have much more effective if done off-screen and we heard the screams but we didn't see anything.

Lastly, The movie basically shows us if a epidemic does happen in the United States, we won't do anything, we won't try to adapt, we'll just start panicking and society will go to rubble within months, has America gotten that bad, really? The movie is bassically telling us "THE GOVERNMENT IS EVIL AND DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU", while this does have some truth to it, I don't think they hates us that much.

Here is the thing, there's a good movie under these problems, I mean, the music is good, it's shot in a very interesting manner, and the color palette worked really well for the content. It's just the story doesn't warrant well for a movie, and it's tries too hard to be an art movie, rather then stay in the genre it should be in, the thriller genre.

Score: Story: 7 out of 10
Acting: 3 out of 10
Sound: 6 out of 10
Entertainment Value: 3 out of 10
Execution: 3 out of 10

FINAL SCORE: 4.4 out of 10

Blindness Review (PART 1)

2008-10-07T16:37:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: Yes, I know about the Force Unleashed Review, I just had to write about this movie that bad.

You know the kind of movie where a bunch of people are in one sealed area trying to escape an epidemic, and then about 2/3rds of the movie is set in a very slice-of-life style. Some movies do this very well (like the original Dawn of the Dead), but Blindness tries so hard to work, but it just doesn't.

It's not that it's plot isn't interesting, in fact, it's very. it's just that how it's executed is very poor, the characters are mean-spirited and uninteresting, it's runs FAR too long, some of the violence is unnecessary, and for a movie about blind people, they seem to act like they are the off-spring of Toph.

If case you haven't guess, the plot takes place in (insert name of city here), when for no reason what so ever, a strange disease starts spreading that causes people to go blind, and in case you're wondering why all the posters and trailers are so white, no, it's nothing racist, it's just that this kind of blindness is pure brightness, rather then the traditional blindness of pure darkness. Enter our main heroine, (insert female name here), who comes with her husband to a government controlled prison where they dump all the people infected. In said prison, we meet a bunch of characters, diverse but somehow, not recognizable off the bat. The movie spends a lot of time showing the awful life they spend and how (insert female name here) feels isolated as she is the only one who can see.

From that you can see a giant gaping hole in the film. Since the disease seems to infect everyone like it's the damn plague, how in the flying hell, does she not get infected, especially, when she is surrounded by people that been infected, for what is implied, FOR MONTHS!!!!! I don't buy the whole "she is immune to it" thing, I also don't buy "she just got lucky", the only reason she isn't blind is because it makes the story progression easier, it's a load.

The acting isn't great either, you see the problem with this kind of movie is that, you're not dealing with just one person blind (like Ray), everyone in this movie (except one person) is blind, well this kind of thing works well for a book (after all, this movie is based on a book), when actually shown on a screen, and poorly preformed, it's almost comical. Like mentioned above, all the character's movement completely implies that they are seeing just fine. As a movie about being blind, you want to look at the movement of the characters, but here it's done so poorly, you'd expect that they can actually see with vibrations.

What I've would have done was give all the blind people contacts that would make things harder to see, to give off a stronger effect that they are blind, and to make their movements more natural (as long as it doesn't effect their actual eyesight).

TO BE CONTINUNED BECAUSE OF THIS DAMN SITE NOT WORKING WITH ME!!!!

6 Good Reasons Why You'll Hate The Live Action Dragon Ball

2008-10-03T19:15:00.000-07:00

What can be said about the Dragon Ball series, It accelerated acceptance of anime media in the US into high gear, something that was started by a film by the name of Akira. Yeah it was cheesy, it was stupid, it was over-the-top, and yes, it was over blown, but the actions scenes were totally worth it, it had an appealing art design, and it had likable characters.

Maybe that's because why it is held as a franchise that is untouchable, like Evangelion or Cowboy Bebop. You can't take away what it means to fans. That's why Funimation recently decided to get a DBZ DVD right, with the actual Japanese music in the dub track, and a remastered picture.

But at the same time, many people forgot what the original Dragon Ball was like, it was a comedy, with bad sex and potty jokes, and ridiculous fights a-plenty. So it's makes no sense that they would make a live action version of Dragon Ball. Back when they announced this project back in 2000, my reaction was "that sounds stupid", and boy, was I right, but then again, a lot of fans were right about this one. How could this movie not suck? Well instead of that, I will tell you why it will suck, here are the 6 good reasons why you'll hate the live action Dragon Ball.

1. It doesn't even resemble Dragon Ball:

When you look at early details of the plot, you learn that Goku is a high school student who just happens to caught in this epic battle..................what?

I mean, the story for Dragon ball was simple, a monkey boy meets a girl looking for 7 balls that can summon a dragon to grant a wish, sure, that was just the first arc, but that was the plot that people got into before it became combat-oriented. Beside, Goku is an idiot and an alien to boot, how the hell did he get into high school? And Bulma, I know they couldn't do the blue-hair thing, but was it really necessary to make her look like A FREAKING ASSASSIN?!?!?!?

God.

2. Poor casting:

Trying to cast a movie like Dragon Ball is no easy task, so you think that even if they didn't look like the characters, they would do their best to make them resemble the characters without it looking stupid, right?

Nope, they said "screw that" to that idea and decided to make the characters to look like they came from some bad action film, a bad Stallone or Van Damme action movie.

Let's begin with our hero Goku, and look at this picture.

Now this Goku seems a bit too old for the Dragon Ball era, you know what else, it's Justin Chatwin, the son in the awful Tom Cruise-powered adaptation of War of the Worlds and a stupid film called The Invisible. Now not only does this man not seem to have never read the manga or have seen the anime, it's just not a good idea to have a person who was in one of few films to score lower on rotten tomatoes then Batman and Robin.

Next up is good old Master Roshi, now I want to look at him and see what you get.

Where is the white hair? Where is the beard? WHERE ARE HIS TRADEMARK GLASSES?!?!

Now look at this one.

I'm sorry, I don't remember Master Roshi having a 5 o'clock shadow or a refuge-looking jacket in the series, I'll go check.

(15 minutes later)

Nope, never did, never will.

As you can see, they have ruined three characters that are unbelievably important to Dragon Ball, but not anywhere nearly as bad as our next reason on the list.

3. THEY DESTROYED AND RAPED PICCOLO:

Now when I saw what Demon King Piccolo would look like in the movie, I knew it was all over, they destroyed one of the greatest anime villains of all time. I mean, I want you to look at these pictures and try to tell me they are going somewhere with this, I dare you.

Warning: THIS PICTURES CAN CAUSE YOUR EYES TO BE RAPED AND VIOLATED, TREATMENT IS CURRENTLY UNKNOWN, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!

I think L from Death Note put my reaction best.

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL DID THEY DO TO HIM? HE LOOKS LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN AN ALIEN AND BATMAN IF HE WORE BONDAGE GEAR!!!!

God help us all.

4. It's going to be laughablely bad:

This is a no-brainer, most fans are going to go see this if only to laugh at it and make stupid jokes while watching it, sometimes that's the only way to keep yourself watching a terrible movie, kinda like what I did while watching this movie.

Yeah, I know, I'm suicidal, but anyway, who is one to not say Dragon Ball will be any different. It will probably come from the fact that even it's budget is 100 million, it will still look super low budget, beside, who would spend that much on this piece of garbage. Other ones will be the probable over-the-top acting, even by Dragon Ball standards, poor visual effects, and awful writing.

5. The Director, James Wong:

Now if you are wondering "who would want to direct this"? Enter James Wong, director of such "classics" like...

He also was the producer of a "great" remake of Black Christmas, the film that should have started the slasher craze, but was instead started by Halloween. As you can see, he is "a well qualified director that can bring the series to life".

6. It just looks bad in general:

This film not only looks like it will stain the legacy of the franchise, it also looks a flat-out bad movie, as a movie on it's own, it's looks like a 3 out of 10, as a dragon ball movie, it's looks like a zero, everything I said we will be laughing at will be the films main flaws, and because of this, it will probably extremely hard to take the movie seriously. I estimate that rotten tomatoes will probably have the movie at 20-31% when it is released, and this will be coming from people who probably don't even know this is an adaptation, or at least have never seen the original. Lastly, Fox are trying to prove with this that something we never thought would even look decent in live action would work. They're doing that with this film, and are planning to do it with Cowboy Bebop... PLEASE NOT BEBOP, LEAVE IT ALONE!!!!!!

So there you have it, my "deep" analysis on how much this movie will blow. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to watch Dawn of the Dead in a little bit.

Also, did you hear that they are remaking Friday the 13th and My Bloody Valentine?

Next Time: Star Wars: The Force Unleashed Review

HELL FREAKIN YEAH

2008-09-20T10:55:00.000-07:00

http://na.square-enix.com/khrecom/

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-16T19:32:00.000-07:00

I think the potato chip scene has been beaten.

Oh, new post on friday.

The Mind of a Dub Hater

2008-09-02T20:21:00.000-07:00

You know that guy on your favorite anime forum or your local anime club, you know, the one when you ask him or her about dubs, they go "Dubs are hack jobs, subbed is the only way to watch anime" or something similar to that. Those are dubs haters, the fans that think english dubs are pointless and destroy and an anime. But why? Is it because they are really that terrible, is it because they hate to hear their own language? I thinks it's more then that, let us take a look into the mind of the dub hater.

First off, let's give off the signs that "that" fan is a dub hater.

1. They support the fansubs, but not the English release.

2. They call all dubs hack jobs.

3. They leave stupid comments on youtube about the dubbed episodes.

4. They want the dub companies to die.

5. They go on youtube day in and day out to tell you how much a dub sucks (only exception is the 4kids version of One Piece).

If they are 3 out of 5 of those, there is a 99% chance he or she is a dub hater.

Now, if you have been on a forum, or at an anime club, or even have a friend who is a dub hater. You've probably got into a conversation or, more accurately, an argument about dubs vs. subs. Most of the time, both of you have probably come up with the same defenses for both that fans have been using for years. Here are some examples.

"It's easier to understand in English"
"All of the names sound retarded in English"
"Everyone sounds like girls in Japanese"
"You're a racist if you prefer English"
"Everyone sounds too old in English"
"Everyone sounds too young in Japanese"

Okay maybe you didn't hear some of those, but that's a general idea of what a dub vs. sub battle goes like. The winner is usually the dub haters primarily because there are more dub haters then dub supporters. I'm not going to say that dub haters are people who have no jobs and live in dirty apartments. But I do believe that dub haters are to a certain degree, cheep. Dub haters don't like to buy the DVDs, even though the have the Japanese audio on it, are for most part uncut, and the quality is about 4 times better on a TV screen then what you get on a computer screen. These people are the reason that Geneon collapsed back in October and Funimation had to put their top sellers on life support (which means the Hellsing OVA is still go for an English release). They are also the reason ADV has been so quiet recently, I mean, they lost Gurren Laggan, and right now, Bandai has been making money off it from DVDs AND it's airrings on the Sci-fi Channel.

But now let's ask, why?

1. All the dubs they have seen really are that bad: Okay, I'm not going to say all dubs are great, I've seen my fair share of bad dubs (DNAngel, Cardcaptors, and of course, 4kids' One Piece). The reason they are so against dubs is probably that the one they have seen really are terrible. I mean, it's hard to see a franchise you love be raped side and front ways (once again, 4kids' One Piece).

2. They don't give it a chance: there are those that hate dubs for no reason. Those people are the I really, really, REALLY hate. They really don't have a reason to hate dubs, they just say it to be special. Well, did you ever give it a chance?

3. They never saw Cowboy Bebop in English: I mean, this is Cowboy Bebop, Cowboy freaking Bebop. This is the only anime I know where the English dub is better then the Japanese version. These dubs haters have obviously never seen Cowboy Bebop's dub, and if they did and they think it sucks, there is something wrong with them. I've heard Japanese fans watch it in English with Japanese subtitles, that's says something.

Maybe one day these dub haters will start to look at dubs in a more positive form, but most likely not. To all dub haters reading this, go find yourself a copy of either FLCL or Cowboy Bebop, you'll be surprised at how well the dub is.

Next Time: 6 Good Reasons Why You'll Hate The Live Action Dragon Ball

Dooley's Doodles' scoring system

2008-08-22T16:32:00.000-07:00

I think I will need to explain my scoring system, this system will apply to all reviews

0-0.9: Beyond the Bottom of the Barrel: The absolute worst, the abominations of entertainment, this travesty that might a few seconds of enjoyment, but go to vain, almost 99% of it is total crap, avoid like it is the embodiment of all evil.

1-2.5: Terrible, Simply Terrible: Pure pieces of craps, stuff that either I can say either 1 medium sized positive or some small positives, but nothing to keep from going on and on about the bad stuff. Try to avoid it.

2.6-3.5: Pretty Bad: There might, and I mean, might, be something about that makes you want to check it out, but if you do, brace yourself for a lot of problems. Best to avoid it.

3.6-4.5: Very, Very Poor: This category represents the term "MEH", one where you can say it does have noticeable good qualities, no need to dig. But the negatives still out weight the positives. Don't buy it first, rent it first.

4.6-4.9: Mediocre: Again, can say nice things about, in fact, I can say even more nice things, but negatives will still outweigh positives, even if the difference is small. Rent it first.

5-5.5: Evenly Good, Evenly Bad: This are the ones that are impossible to review, the ones were there are just as many good stuff as there is bad. A slight edge might be given to one of the sides, but usually not. Recommended to rent it first.

5.6-6.9: Pretty Decent: To a certain degree, these ones are enjoyable, and have at least 1 strong aspect to them. There are negative that might distract you, but nothing to serious. Diehards of the genre, go check it out, everyone else, rent it.

7-7.9: Good: Here are the ones where I can finally give a solid recommendation. The positives outweigh the negatives. One that do have problems, but can be overlooked easily, but not too easily. Fans of the genre, buy it right this instance. Everyone else, it's worth checking out.

8-8.9: Great: Ones that will stand the test of time, the ones where the smallest problems have to be dug up. Ones that gain the Dooley's Doodles' Check Mark of Awesomeness. A solid recommendation to everyone.

9-9.8: Fantastic: There are barely any problems with this one, it's one that forever stay one of my favorites. The recommendation would go like "BUY IT NOW".

9.9 & 10: A Masterpiece: The masterpieces are the ones, that if they have a problem, it is so minuscule, it's barley noticeable. The stainless works of art will forever stay as art. I cannot recommended this one enough.

Oh, the Soul Calibur IV and Tropic Thunder reviews are cancelled. Sorry.

RE: Star Wars The Clone Wars Review

2008-08-21T16:30:00.000-07:00

I thought a little, and realized, that even though Star Wars The Clone Wars stills deserves it's 2 out of 10. That is only if you look at it as a actual Star Wars movie. If you look at it as a saturday morning cartoon or a preview of the upcoming series, it is a 5 or 6. But the main reason I bashed it was because it's just a movie that doesn't work in theaters, I would have been much nicer to it if it were straight-to-DVD. I still stand by my 2 out of 10. Because even as a saturday morning cartoon, it's still not very good.

Next Time: The Mind of a Dub Hater

Star Wars: The Clone Wars Review

2008-08-18T18:30:00.000-07:00

You Star Wars fans all remember, going to see Episodes 1, 2, 3, expecting great things, and you left the theater, in pain and in pieces, other then Episode 1, I couldn't feel your pain, since I have more sympathy for all three prequels then most fans, even Episode 1 (don't get me wrong Episode 1 sucked bad). 2008 comes, the only big Star Wars event we expect is The Force Unleashed, then they announced that The Clone Wars series, which we thought was dead after Genndy Tartakovsky's excellent miniseries, was to revived without him in 3-D. After that, it was announced there would be a movie for the series, I worried. I knew going into the theater it would suck, I knew when the Warner Bros logo came up it would suck. I even knew when "A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away" appeared on the screen. Then believe it or not it got WORSE!!!!!

First off, there is no opening text scroll, MISTAKE NUMBER ONE, for god sakes, every Star Wars movie under mankind had a opening text scroll, the freaking video games had opening title scrolls, it's the only way to legitimately start a Star Wars movie, what the hell. Instead we got one of the most mind-numbing, hilariously bad, and terrible voice overs to basically give what a title scroll would have given us, and 40 times better. We are apparently told that Jabba the Hut's son (not making this up) has been kidnapped by Count Dooku, and some for some reason, the Republic wants the trust of Jabba (even though he's some sort of Star Wars equivalent of the Godfather), so Yoda decides that Anakin must train a Padawan named Ahsoka Tano (which we will apparently hear from in the show) and both of them are told to rescue Jabba's son. Well we can see that FF7AC can be happy it's no longer the movie to have the biggest resemblance to a terrible fanfic.

Before I go into a rampage of ripping this movie inside out, I might as well some nice things. The sound effects are convincing and in pretty good quality. Even though most of the action scenes (which we get into later) are boring and uninteresting, there is a scene where tanks and clones are climbing vertically up a mountain while droids are firing at them, it's is a creative scene and it's fun to watch. Also, Asajj Ventress is in it, and she was always one my favorite expanded universe characters. But really, that's all can say that is really good, everything else is so-so to downright awful.

There are some huge problems with this film. First off, the animation is terrible, even though the models movments are fluid and convicing, it's just looks rather dull and rushed, and all the human characters look like puppets with rock-solid hair, oh, and the facil animations suck, every one looks to thin or not thin enough. Oh, even in the Clone Wars cartoon, Count Dooku's beard was NOT that huge.

Next, the action scenes, it's just that there are boring or uninteresting, no, they have to make it that about 65 minutes of the 90 minute movie is nothing but action scenes, I know the prequels have more action when compared to the original trilogy, but at least the prequels had some breathing time, this one does, but it only last about 30 seconds. It's just nonstop action, but the fun stops around the 10 minute mark.

I think I need to talk about what could be-no what IS, the worst Star Wars character since Jar Jar Binks. But before we go on, let's clear something, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!!!! Yeah, it's that bad. Okay about two thirds into the movie, Padme tries to investigate the kidnapping and we meet Ziro the Hutt, who is Jabba the Hutt's uncle, who is probably a gay transvestite who wears purple make-up and sounds like a chick. Dude, I think considering the continuity of the movies, I THINK IT'S TOO LATE TO INTRODUCE CHARACTERS WE NEVER HEAR FROM AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, and why does the republic want to side with Jabba, isn't Jabba the Hutt a bad guy, and what happens to his son, why don't we hear from him again? What is with this movie and new characters?

Last but not least, I don't think anyone wanted to see another Star Wars movie in theaters, whatever happened to Episode 3's tagline "The Saga is Complete" Lucas, that not good enough for you?

Overall, this movie is not worth your time or money, and it's best that almost every Star Wars fan pretend it never happened. If you still want Clone Wars action, Genndy Tartakovsky's original cartoon is still the best bet.

Score: Story: 2 out of 10
Animation: 2 out of 10
Sound: 5 out of 10
Entertaiment Value: 2 out of 10
Star Wars Feeling: 2 out of 10

FINAL SCORE: 2.6 out of 10

The Trailer of the Year and the Stinker of the Year

2008-08-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

Trailers are a way for filmmakers to show off there movies, to get the public excited, some trailers, like the Harry Potter movie trailer, don't need to be fantastic, as the mere excistence and knowledge of it's exsitence get's people excited in a flash. Others need to work damn hard to get excited (reference The Simpsons Movie). Now we look at both the best and worst trailer of the year.

THE WORST

We all remember, going to see Price Caspian or Wall E, seeing what appears to be another run of the mill disney action movie, we think to ourselves "this looks interesting". But at around the 30 second mark, your mind explodes. Go below the video for commentary.

0:15: This looks interesting.

0:36: WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

0:56: IF I WAS, I'D BE A SICK BASTARD!!

1:26: That's 200%.

If I didn't worry about Wall E starting, I would have gone to the bathroom and screamed to god "WHY". this trailer predicts absolute doom, even if it is geared at kids. This is one of the few trailers where your mind explodes watching it. It sucks.

THE BEST

I would make a commentary, but this is a trailer that leaves you speachless, you know what is, but what the hell.

Was that awesome or what? These two movies are examples of how to and how NOT to advertise a movie, hope you had losing your mind over crap and then losing it again over something incredible.

Bone to Pick With: Harry Potter Fans Pissed off About the Delay

2008-08-14T19:02:00.000-07:00

I was having dinner with my family, when I learned that the 6th installment of the movie adaptations of Harry Potter was being delayed to July of 09. My sister, being a big Harry Potter fan, told us that we should stop supporting Warner Bros because of this move. My 1st thought was "isn't that overreacting a little too much", sure she had a right to be mad, I was pissed off at the delays of Kingdom Hearts 2 and Super Smash Bros Brawl. But to go as far to tell us in stone tablets "STOP SUPPORTING WARNER BROS" was a bit too much, it doesn't matter to me what company makes what movie (unless it's Pixar of course), if I want to see it, I'm going to see it. Besides, her statement is a little hypocritical. After all, Warner Bros had not been milking only Harry Potter, but all franchises they can get there hands on (this is part of the reason we got the godawful Speed Racer movie). Besides, is Warner Bros any better then most other movie distributors. Here are a few examples.

Walt Disney: Here's a no brainier, let's see, terrible rushed straight-to-videos sequels, CHECK. Continuous re-releases of classics we probably have on VHS but are too lazy to find, CHECK. Movies that are can only be liked by kids,

Reference THIS

Check (P.S. Beverly Hills Chihuahua is going to suck REAL bad).

Paramount: Last February, Star Trek fans were told to wait more, by delaying the x-mas release to a summer release of 09. Most fans wait 2-3 years for the next Star Trek, they have been waiting for 5 years, and tell them they to wait even more, what a bunch of jerks.

20th Century Fox: A couple months back, they told us we had to wait until April to see the live action Dragon Ball movie. This is not bad because I was excited about that movie. No, no, no, it's more of I'm pissed off that I have to wait to laugh my ass off at a movie that should not exist.

You see, people delay stuff because of the bigger buck they could make during the summer period. Even if they weren't delayed, they be delayed right now because of one movie.

The Dark Knight

You see, this movie has made more then 400 million dollars in just one month, because the timing was right, it was Heath Ledger's 2nd to last film (A movie by the name of The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus will be his last), it was in a way, the end of the summer blockbusters, and most of all, it was by then, people wanted more Batman. That's the point of this post, companies delay movies not because they need more work on it, but because of timing. Both the next Star Trek and the live action Dragon Ball will probably do better then they would have, and this also applies to Harry Potter, It will do better because summer is the season most people think of when they think about when Harry Potter books and movies are released, I mean the timing is just better. Besides who knows, they possibly (but not probably) could do some interesting stuff with the movie with that extra time (like add the extra ten minutes they need in order to keep those pissy fans off the crew's back).

EDIT: Actually, I've realized Warner Bros. is worse, they're the bastards responsible for the theatrical cut of Blade Runner, MY 12-YEAR OLD BROTHER WATCHED THE FINAL CUT, AND HE GOT IT, WITH NO NARRIATION AND NO STUPID HAPPY ENDING!!!!! Stupid company.

Updates for the blog and it's future

2008-08-03T12:00:00.000-07:00

Well I start school tomorrow, and this means there are going to a decrease in what I can do for the blog, so here are some final updates.

1. Summer movies: out of the ten movies on my list, I've only seen seven (Tropic Thunder isn't out yet, so there is my excuse for that). I lost interest in The Happining over time and The 2nd Narina looked boring when I saw more footage. So here are the final verdicts.

1.1. Iron Man: This wasn't on my list, but whatever, Iron Man, was surprisingly good. It's a fun movie with a ton of action, and hey, it has some heart too. Robert Downey Jr. was great, he plays like a basic superhero when in the suit, and he played a really good jerk as Tony Stark. Overall, it was a great start for summer action movies. Final Verdict: 8/10

1.2. Speed Racer: I really wanted to like this movie, I really did, but in the end, it was the summer's first stinker, It's seems either that the directors were trying too damn hard to make it work, or didn't try hard enough. The special effects and the races were cool, but if you don't have a decent story or have decent acting, it means nothing, this is a example of style over actual substance. we got a movie that looks great, sounds great, but the acting and story are CRAP. Overall, just don't watch. Final Verdict: 3/10

1.3. Indiana Jones 4: I'm probably the only person on the planet that thought that the new Indiana Jones wasn't that bad. Sure it has nothing on the first 3, but I didn't expect it to. I just wanted not to suck, and it did just that. The acting met the (surprising low) expectations, just think, at least the movie know that Harrison Ford is old, they couldn't hide that, so they didn't, and I thank them for that. Sure the nuke part was odd, BUT, it didn't distract me from every thing else in the film like EVERYONE CLAIMS IT TO!!!!!! It just a movie, so who cares. But I will admit, the ending is BS. What were they thinking. But overall, not too bad. Final verdict: 6/10

1.4. The Incredible Hulk: Like I said, Hulk, was really bad, too much story and not enough action. In reaction, this one is a bit more balance, we have 3 full Hulk action scenes. A really cool chase at the beginning. Best of all, all four of them take up at least 35 minutes of the film, which is about twice the action time we had with the first one, sure, that one had a bit more hulk, but half the time, he was just walking, and killing killer dogs (BULL). The characters are a lot less unbearable in this one, Edward Norton does a good job of bringing Bruce Banner to life and making him like able, something that Eric Bana didn't do too well. Best of all, in the last action scene, the hulk says "Hulk Smash" and that is when most fans realized that they understood what the fans were asking for, make a movie that's more like the classic tv show and comics, and that's what they did. Overall, it's a really fun action film that makes up for the nightmare that was Hulk. Oh, the hidden clues to the upcoming avengers movie is pretty sweet. Final verdict: 8/10.

1.5. Get Smart: I saw Get Smart a little late, but it wasn't as good as I expected to be, but it wasn't as bad either. It's a type of comedy that takes itself a little too seriously, so not a lot of jokes here, but the ones there are are pretty funny. Nothing else really to say. Final verdict: 6.5/10.

1.6. Wall-E: Pixar has done it again, we have another 5 star film. I can't really think of much to say other then it's really good, and surprisingly true, if you've seen it you know what i mean. Final verdict: 9.95/10

1.7. Hellboy II: Here a film where, even though I really liked it, I had mixed feelings. The action scenes were good, the story was fun, and the monster designs were awesome. But there were a few problems I had with it, first of all, the pregnancy thing was just stupid and anyone could see it coming a mile away. Next, the humor, yeah, it was funny, but remember what made the first Hellboy work, what made it work was that is was smart and had humor when it was needed. It seems that the director wanted to make a more light hearted adventure, but this made me angry, I don't mind humor, but if it goes to just silly when it doesn't need to, then I'm sorry, it just bothers me. But it did what action films need to do, it keeps me interested and it's fun. So overall, it's better and not as good as the first film as the same time. Final verdict: 8/10

1.8. The Dark Knight: I don't want to do this again, well here i go. It's the best movie of the summer, maybe the entire year, Heath Ledger portrays the best incarnation of The Joker outside the comics (yes, even better then the animated version), he will get nominated for the academy award, and he should win it. It's takes everything we loved from Batman Begins and multiples it. The story is a bit easier to follow. The specials effects are perfect, the music is perfect, in fact, everything is perfect. It's probably the best comic book movie since Spiderman 2. No, it's better then Spiderman 2, there is nothing wrong with it. It's perfect. Final verdict: 10/10

2. Games: I played my 360 and Wii a lot this summer. I am currently playing Soul Calibur IV (GO PLAY IT IF YOU LIKE FIGHTING GAMES). I am really starting to want a PS3 now, since it's finally defined itself as a console, it has about 20 games I want to play on it right now. Nothing else to say there.

3. Anime and Manga: the only one i read was Death Note, and it was amazing, watching the anime right now. I'm starting to regain interest in Naruto. That's about it.

Lastly, I just want to say starting in September, I'm going to take a new direction with this blog. This blog was originally supposed to share my thoughts with the world. It still will, but I want to do more then reviews, overviews, and news. I want to do rants, write stories, and I have yet to post the second part of A Self Portrait (I'm almost finished though). This blog is going to have EVERYTHING (except for politics, that's just depressing). Games, art, books, shows, stuff I read and watch. It will be here. Since school is starting, I'll only be able to do 4-6 posts a month, it will only be during the weekends, and furture post will be much longer in comparrison to the older ones. The Batman Retrospect was the first time I did the lengthy post I want to do, they are going to be huge and it could take some people two sittings just to read it all. Plus, I am going to tell you what the next post will be, just to give you an idea of what I will talk about next. Every now and then, it will change, but not too often.

So if you are enjoy my work now, it will get better. Till then readers, see ya.

Next time: Soul Calibur IV Review

GO SEE THE DARK KNIGHT!!!!!!!

2008-07-18T22:26:00.000-07:00

Really, see it, you'll love it. It's the best Batman movie ever. go see, don't even spend time to close this window, find the next showing to your closest movie theater, and go see it, trust me you'll thank me.

Batman Retrospective

2008-07-17T10:20:00.000-07:00

With The Dark Knight hours from release. It's time to look back at nearly all of the Batman movies, since I haven't half the animated movies, let's focus on the live action films, with a special mention of Gotham Knight.

Batman

The 1st of the post-Adam West movies was simply called Batman, it was released on June 23rd, 1989. It stars Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson. It was directed by dark visionary Tim Burton, in fact, this was his very first big budget film. The classic score was composed by Danny Elfman.

The story is a variation of the legendary confrontation between Batman (played by Michael Keaton) and The Joker (played by Jack Nicholson). To be more specific, The Joker was once Jack Napier, the sidekick of crime lord, Carl Grissiom. After a battle with Batman at a chemical plant, Jack was thrown into acid by Batman, and thus became The Joker. On the other side with Bruce Wayne, we met Vicki Vale, a photojournalist who obviously becomes the love interest for Bruce (because no one else in the movie could). The two form a relationship, and you know the rest, The Joker nabs her, and Batman has to save her, but he has to save Gotham as well from The Joker's plan. And what is this plan, well as it turns out, Gotham is having it's 200th birthday soon, so The Joker has decided to run the party and he'll have balloons that pump out gas that make you laugh to death (literally).

Okay, so the story is a little generic, and the ending is what would you would expect. But how it gets there is smart, exciting, and best of all, dark. The campy and bright feeling of the Adam West show and movie have been abandoned for a more dark and serious approach, and it works really well.

Now let's talk about the acting, to many people (and me), if you are in the lead for a Batman movie, you not only have to portray Batman well, you have to portray Bruce Wayne well. Micheal Keaton does a good Bruce and a very good Batman, as Bruce, he's act like a regular guy who just happens to own billions of dollars, it's believable and a tight performance. As Batman, his voice is deeper, and obviously he's more aggressive, like him as Bruce, it's believable and a tight performance. But in my opinion the performance that stole the show was Jack Nicholson as The Joker, it's such a twisted character no wonder it made sense to get the dad from The Shinning to play him. As The Joker, you have to have a twisted sense of humor, bad one-liners, and a haunting laugh. Jack Nicholson had all three and then some. So it's not only believable (well as believable as you can get with a clown that kills people), it's very twisted and I'm shocked he didn't get nominated for a academy award.

In terms of production values, Batman is pretty good. The settings are interesting to look at, despite being dark and a bit drab overall. It definitely has that Tim Burton look and feel to it. That could be helped thanks to an impressive score by Danny Elfman. Personally, other then The Nightmare Before Christmas, this is his best work. The opening theme gives me chills every time i hear it. With Special Effects, it's not too great even for the time, but it only need special effects at about the last 20 minutes, so no problems there.

But there are some problems with this movie. As said earlier, the plot is generic and some of the minor performances are weak. It can also be a little slow at times. But the biggest problem I have with this film is that the movie says that The Joker killed Bruce's parents... LAME!!!!!!!

But overall, it is one of the two definitive Batman movies, it has a good Batman, it has a great villain, good soundtrack, good setting, good atmosphere, what more could you ask for? Nothing.

Pros: Strong Lead and Villain, Good Soundtrack, Gotham is interesting to look at.
Cons: Generic plot, lame plot twist, weak supporting roles, sometimes too slow.

Final Score: 9.1 out of 10

Batman Returns

The next film was released on June 19th, 1992. It had once again Burton in the directors chair, Keaton as Batman, and Elfman as composer. But as the villains, we have Danny DeVito as The Penguin, Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman, and Christopher Walken as Max Shreck (who is a character made for the movie).

The story takes place at Christmas time, and a creature known as The Penguin has been terrorizing Gotham. One night, The Penguin nabs Max Shreck, a business Mogul who was not as innocent as he seemed. Threatening to blackmail him, The Penguin will not do so if Max is willing to help him become accepted to Gotham City. Meanwhile Max's secretary, Selina Kyle, has been snooping around and figured out the terrible things Max did in the past, fearing it will get out, Max pushes her off a window, then a bunch of cats crawl on her and she somehow becomes Catwoman. The three villains team up with one main goal in mind, take Batman down.

From that summary, you can probably guest the first major flaw with this movie. For a movie named Batman Returns, there isn't a whole lot of Batman, the villains steal the show again, but not in a good way this time. Batman is only on-screen for about a third of the movie.

In terms of acting, Keaton does work good both as Batman and Bruce for what screen time he has. DeVito is a bit over-the-top as The Penguin, but he does a pretty decent job. Pfeiffer as Catwomen fairs a little better by her character being a bit more playful, and it's kinda cool with what they do with her character. I mean, she not only one of the villains, she's Bruce's love interest, that's screwed up. Walken as Max Shreck is well, Walken, he's is a double agent of good and evil, and seriously has problems. That's why it's awesome.

Gotham once again is fun to look at. But what's more impressive is the costumes and make-up. The Penguin in this movie has often been call disgusting in this film, and he is, but it's a good kind of disgusting. His makeup is really impressive and he does look like a human penguin. His goons are also have some cool makeup and costumes but nothing worth noting. Catwoman's costume is one I really like, you can tell it was made from scratch and that's apparent because of all the stitches you see on it. It is interesting to look at.

Visual effects play a bigger role in this film more then the first, and probably because of this, they look pretty good. The shot with the penguins with rockets attached to them is really twisted and really awesome.

As with all good things, there are bad things to say. Like mentioned above, Batman doesn't play a massive role in the story, and some of the acting is more over-the-top then the first one. In fact, one of the first things i should have mentioned is that Batman Returns is darker and much more violent then the first film. The darkness makes the film sometimes unbearable, but the darkness makes the film even more like a Tim Burton movie.

That being said, it's still a pretty good movie, if not as good as the first. If you can get over the darkness and lack of Batman. I say go check it out.

Pros: Costumes and makeup are very cool, strong character development, visual effects are pretty good, Keaton is good as Batman and Bruce (with what he can work with).
Cons: Lack of Batman story wise, dark tone could alienate some viewers, over-the-top acting.

Final Score: 8.3 out of 10

Batman Forever

With Tim Burton gone, the new director is Joel Schumaker, with Keaton gone, the new Batman is Val Kilmer. What we get a so-so film that is at least mildly entertaining.

The story involves Batman taking Dick Grayson (aka Robin) as his sidekick in order to take down two new foes, The Riddler (played by Jim Carrey) and Two-face (played by Tommy Lee Jones), who plan to turn Gotham into mindless zombies using a machine that transfers brain waves to The Riddler.

This time Batman plays a bigger in the story, unfortunately, Val Kilmer isn't a very good Bruce, but a decent Batman. As for the two villains, Tommy Lee Jones is just trying to be the Joker, well he ISN'T Jack Nicholson, nor he ever will be, so compared to his performance, Two-Face comes off bland. Jim Carrey fares a little better by being allowed to be... well Jim Carrey, he feels at home with The Riddler, so he actually does a decent job. But the face Tommy Lee Jones out annoys Jim Carrey says a lot. Most other performances are pretty so-so.

Those going into Batman Forever, should know it's much lighter then it's predecessor, both figuratively and literally. As three scenes in particular is covered in neon lights and it becomes so over stylized, it becomes an eye strain. The biggest problem though, is that Batman always hid from the cops in the first two, but in this one, the police and Batman have become pals and that takes away the darkness and mystery of Batman to the public.

Special effects, costumes, and makeup are decent for the most part, however i do like the makeup for Two-Face, it does look like him so that's all i have to say about that.

Overall, while it is a dumbed down Batman, it is entertaining at times, and it's Batman. So don't spend money on it, but if you have a chance to see it, use it. It's not a good movie, but it's not bad either, it's just kinda stupid.

Pros: Nice makeup for Two-Face, it's very entertaining at points.
Cons: Dumbed down tone will annoy some fans, Tommy Lee Jones is annoying, some scenes cause eye strain, sometimes it's stupid.

Final score: 6.2 out of 10

Batman and Robin (oh god)

I won't go deep into who made this one and who was in this, cause I don't want to. You probably don't need me to explain to me why this movie sucks, you've probably seen every smart movie goer bash the living hell out of it, well I will too cause it deserves nothing less. So where do I start?

How about the acting. other then the so-so performance of George Clooney as Batman, there are no good performances from ANY of the actors. Especially Arnold Schwarzenegger (who plays Mr. Freeze), who has some of the worst one liners in any film in any era (EX. "Let's kick some ice"), and remember, this dude was the Terminator. With Poison Ivy, they just decided to make Catwoman again, unlike Catwoman, Posion Ivy is actually trying to be seductive, with Catwoman is was just who she was. Chris O'Donnell as Dick Grayson (aka Robin) is a very whinny bastard who basically whins about his job the entire movie. Here are some examples

"I want a Robin Signal."

"It's always Batman and Robin, not Robin and Batman."

"This is no partnership."

It gets annoying. Other then that all other performances are mediocre at best, unbearable at worst. Obviously, the writing is atrocious, no it's beyond atrocious, it's so bad, you can mute the whole movie and you'll think the movie was decent, the writing is that bad.

Like Batman Forever, this movie goes back to the tone of the Adam West show, but unlike the Adam West show which is classic, this sort of campiness was not acceptable in that day and age (when Batman and Robin was released i mean) and is NOT acceptable in this day and age. Because of the lighter tone. The dark and drab Gotham has been replaced by a much lighter and neon light infested Gotham. It becomes eye garbage rather then eye candy.

I'm not going into special effects and makeup, because they are nothing special. But one thing about the costumes I will get into is the Bat nipples, yes, NIPPLES. I'm sorry, I can't pay attention to the action scenes (I don't want to anyway) when there are NIPPLES RIGHT AT MY FACE!!!!!!

Overall, all this movie does is make you want to kill yourself and make you respect Batman Begins that much more. Don't watch unless you really want to know if there is or isn't a god in this universe.

Pros: Makes you respect Batman Begins more (and that doesn't have to do with the movie itself)
Cons: EVERYTHING, ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!

Final score: 0 out of 10

Batman Begins

After the embarrassment that is Batman and Robin, the Batman movies took a rest until 2005. Using the graphic novel Batman: Year One as the basis. Director Christopher Nolan created Batman Begins, set in a different universe from the other 4 movies. Batman Begins starts from scratch and looks at how Bruce became Batman, and what we get is a top notch reboot that is everything a reboot should be, pleasing the old fans with respect to the source material and bringing in new ideas, while bringing in new fans to show a new generation one of the greatest superheroes of all time.

The story tells the rise of Bruce Wayne as he goes from conflicted and angry billion dollar playboy to crime fighter of the night. We see his day training with Henri Ducard, the creation of the suit, the batmobile (which in this movie sucks), the fall of crime lord Carmine Falcone, and the rise of corrupt psychiatrist Jonathan Crane (aka Scarecrow).

Unlike the generic stories of the past, this one is smart, complex, and best of all, good. the character development is probably the best of all the Batman movies. Speaking of characters, Christen Bale should be applauded for fantastic performance as Bruce and his strong and sometimes terrifying performance as Batman. Most other performances are above average.

Costumes here are pretty good, the new bat suit is nice, slick, and best of all, NO BAT NIPPLES!!! I love The Scarecrow's mask though. It's so messed up and so terrifying, you can't help but love it. Special effects are top tier as well, example, there is one scene where bats are inside a building and start swarming the place, it's so awesome and so cool looking, I can't help but applaud there work.

The soundtrack, while not quite as memorable as Danny Elfman's score, gets the mood right, and ends up working well. Of course, the movie has to have some flaws. The first problem is that the main villain is pretty shallow, it's not scarecrow, and i won't give it away, but it's retarted. The love interest is borring (but every Batman movie has one, so yeah), and there are NINJAS in the 1st hour, ninjas, seriously, that's not Batman. Again, it can be slow at times, but that's all.

Overall, if the first Batman is the 1st definitive Batman movie, Batman Begins is the second. Like Batman or have any interest in Batman? GO SEE IT!!!! You'll thank me later.

Pros: Smart and fantastic story, Batman is scary, as he should be, no bat nipples (thank god)
Cons: Villain here is pretty shallow, too slow at times, love interest is boring, Ninjas.

Final score: 9.1 out of 10

Batman Gotham Knight (brief review)

Set in between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. Gotham Knight tell six short stories written by the writers of the original animated series and Batman Begins and animated by anime studios Madhouse, Production I.G, and Studio 4°C . Like the Animatrix, some shorts are bad, and some are good. With beautiful animation for all six and Kevin Conroy returning as the perfect voice for an animated Batman for all six shorts. At least 2/3rds of the shorts make Gotham Knight definitely worth a rent.

Pros: Have I Got a Story for you, Field Test, In Darkness Dwells, Working Through Pain, Kevin Conroy is Batman again, and he still rocks.
Cons: Crossfire, Deadshot, Only 3 shorts have Bruce as Bruce.

Final Score: 7.1 out of 10

The Dark Knight is a few hours from release, and i'm pumped to go see it, after all, it made number 1 on my top ten summer movie list. Hope you all see it.

E3 Updates

2008-07-15T12:41:00.000-07:00

With E3 going on, here are some of my thoughts on what's going on.

1. Wait, Final Fantasy XIII on the 360... %$#%#@%$#@%$@MOTHER%$#@%$@@#!!!! Other then that, looks amazing.

2. Finally A sequel to Marvel Ultimate Alliance, I love that game.

3. WTF with the new Dashboard for the 360. It looks simply gay.

4. The new Ghostbusters game looks promising.

5. Wii Music looks fun.

That's all for now.

I'M BACK

2008-07-11T12:50:00.000-07:00

Nice to be back, just a few updates.

1. My review of Hellboy II: The Golden Army will be up later today.
2. Clip of the week will be up later today too.
3. They are making a Mega Man 9, crazy I know, and it's going to be 8-bit... don't know why but no complaints.
4. There making a DS remake of Chrono Trigger, well you can count me in.
5. Saw Wall-E yet? If not, GO SEE IT NOW!!! You'll love it.
6. If you are going to get tickets for The Dark Knight a week in advance, raise your hand, cause I am (gonna be a kick ass movie).
7. Got Soul Calibur on Xbox Live Arcade, pretty awesome.

Till next time.

Dooley's Doodles will be on hiatus

2008-06-18T15:41:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving town soon, and won't be near a computer for about 2 weeks, so no posts untill then. But still, it's nice to get out of town. Till then whoever is reading this.

The Trailers of Evangelion

2008-06-14T11:44:00.000-07:00

What is there to be said about Evangelion, it is simply one of the greatest anime of all time, but I think we can all agree that the ending left a lot to be desired, so despite saying there was nothing wrong with the show's ending, Hideaki Anno began working on a new ending, which we all know as The End of Evangelion. Along with this came the weirdest trailers EVER.

The first 2 we saw where trailers that were for what was meant to be The End of Evangelion, Death and Rebirth. These two were then slightly reedited for The End of Evangelion's release.

Don't blame yourself if you just went WTF, even if you are an Evangelion fan, I guess they just wanted to do something flashy, so they show incomplete animation in one trailer, and have Ode to Joy going on in the other. You could put that in anything and it will seem more epic then it actually is (Evangelion is still freaking epic).

The next one we saw was exclusive for The End of Evangelion's release. This one was from a deleted scene that was supposed to like something halfway through or near the end or something. That's good marketing, have it exclusively have footage from a scene that never made into the final cut.

Not only does this seem like some trailer for another movie, it doesn't make sense. Did they decide to get so symbolic that not even scholars will get it? I heard there was a scene similar to the one represented here that made into the movie, but still, live action, seriously?

Wow, I just made the most pointless post ever.

Clip of the Week 2.0

2008-06-11T00:18:00.000-07:00

It's time again.

Do you remember when George Lucas announced that the Star Wars trilogy would return to theaters with new special effects? I think people remembered it because of the trailer with the awesome narrator. He's so awesome, I want him to do my trailers.

FOUND IT!!!!

2008-06-09T12:52:00.000-07:00

The 2nd save point I mean, it actually wasn't that far.

P.S. GET NINJA GAIDEN BLACK OR NINJA GAIDEN 2!!! Really, they're awesome.

Headache Inducing Weekend

2008-06-08T15:50:00.000-07:00

This past weekend has been truly something to behold. Friday night, i was bored out of my mind so I spent a hour on deviantart looking up kingdom hearts fan art while listening to the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack. So if having to look at strange and creepy Yaoi art combined with the greatest anime soundtrack ever isn't a strange combination, please tell me what is.

Saturday night, I watched Batman Forever, which was okay. But then I watched Batman and Robin, and it was bad. How bad, well let's just say, that I'm shocked I didn't break something after finishing it. I can't believe there is a film worse then the Super Mario Brothers movie. Both those nights I went to bed with a headache, and I'll probably get one tonight, trying to find the 2nd save point in chapter 4 of Ninja Gaiden Black.

God.

Visual Novels: The Harem Anime of Video Games

2008-06-05T19:27:00.000-07:00

As we all know, in 1983, the North American game market crashed because of a decreasing interest in the market, part of that is because most games released at the time were absolute CRAP, like the Atari port of Pac-man (amazing, they screwed up Pac-man) and E.T. the game. In 1985 (or 86, depending where you lived at the time), the Nintendo Entertainment System was brought to America and basically relaunched the video game market, thanks to instant classics like Super Mario Brothers, The Legend of Zelda, Final Fantasy, Mega Man, Dragon Warrior, and Castlevainia, there's more, but I won't waste your time. So the video game market we are currently in started in Japan, we've known that for some time. BUT, as time passed by, the markets only similarities between the American-European and the Japanese Markets were the source.

The biggest difference started around the Playstation area, when the American market started to become as big as the Japanese market, which is huge. Games started attracting new audiences (the audience it introduced is one I never liked), and CDs became the new home of video games, even after the embarrassment of being host to god awful FMV games. So the overall fanbase of both markets started to differentiate to where the PS-N64 areas in America had games that were "noobed" to make them more attractive. This meant that some franchises that still exist in Japan were abandon in America (biggest example is the Mystical Ninja series, still in Japan, nowhere in the US), and games became more realistic and games became easier to beat.

Ironically though, the first true example of different tastes in different markets ended up on the PC. In America, when we think of PC games, you think Half-Life, Duke Nukem, Conterstrike, StarCraft, Age of Empires, and The Sims, most games named were First Person Shooters or Real Time Strategy games. But what does Japan think of PC games?

Chances are they think of Visual Novels, one the few exclusive genres of Japan. A Visual Novel is basically a Harem anime in video game form (not all VNs are like this, but about 90% of them are), where the main character is surrounded by multiple girls and you get to choose which one you want to date. Most VNs compose of still art you look at, with text at the bottom of the screen, it's like those point-and-click adventure games, except these ones have fanservice. In most VNs, if you play your cards rights, you get to see some stills of your character having sex with the girl you choose to date, this is part of the reason that they never came here (just to get this out of the way, Ace Attorney and some other DS games like that are NOT VNs, they are adventure games).

So why do they never come here, one of the reasons, as mentioned above, is the sex. The sex images in these games are just as controversial as the sex scene in the hot coffee mod for GTASA, except these are slightly more controversial since it's usually teenagers in these sex scenes. So not just parents, politicians, and Jack Tompson would get pissed, but those people who tell teens to withhold sex till after marriage would get pissed as well. Since the Japanese market is not as picky about what can be in games, and the fact 18+ rated games can actually be sold in Japan, the sex scenes are accepted for what they are.

Another reason, as told many times is taste, Visual Novels take up more then half of the PC gaming market in Japan, but 45% of gamers (not including me) in America and Europe don't have the patient to sit through text and click at stuff. They rather just shoot stuff and call people older then them losers with no life, when they themselves are the ones with no life. Those gamers are the reason I'm sick of Halo and have no interest of playing Call of Duty 4 AT ALL!!!

Some of these games are ones we really don't need. As you might have noticed, ADV and Funimation have been recently releasing Harem animes that are acctually based off Visual Novels, those shows are Air, Kanon, and Shuffle (Clannad, another visual novel to anime will probably be released by ADV next year) released around the same time. Like there game counterparts, they have fanservice and actually have character development. The only difference is that the anime doesn't have the sex scenes.

While we are on the subject, there is one visual novel in particular actually did have some controversy. It's called School Days, released back in 2005, it's a interesting VN, since it's uses FMV to tell most of the story. Like most VN is has a ton of endings. However 3 in particular are well known for there graphic violence and head smashing (literally) showing of suicide. It's caused some controversy, but not much. All 3 "bad" endings can be seen on youtube. Like most successful Visual Novels, it was turned into an anime. The anime had a "bad" ending as well. In fact, I will show you the anime's ending.

Here's the setup, the main character is told by his girlfriend that she is pregnant. Since she screams this in class, you could understand how embarrassed he is. Later that night, he texts her to tell she made it the worst day of his life. She says she is sorry, and he suggest to get rid of the baby, and here's where it goes. but be warned, it does contain graphic content, like 300 graphic, you have been warned.

So, there, if you watched it, and didn't understand it, here's what happened. The main character's girlfriend kills him to hide the fact she ISN'T pregnant. Then one of the girlfriend's love rivals figures out that she killed him and goes to kill her, then she cuts her open to see she isn't pregnant. Then she cuts the head of the main character off and then holds it on a boat... yeah, that messed up, like Evangelion mess up, but that's how you want a screwed up end to go. You want to be able to talk about it.

So maybe I've been over thinking some stuff about this genre. But that's the gist of a genre most people never heard of. Maybe we will see this genre come over sea one day, but right now, it seems Japan will the stay the home for these bizarre computer games.

EDIT: Anyone who is reading this and knows what i am talking about, yes, I found another reason for them never coming here, THEY ARE SEXIST!!! I know, it just sliped my mind, sorry.

Clip of the Week

2008-06-04T20:43:00.000-07:00

It's time for the clip of the week.

I think we can all remember when the Pokemon anime was still decent. But this is the ultimate proof that 4kids really thinks us americans are stupid. Just watch.

Contra (XBLA) Review

2008-06-03T18:49:00.000-07:00

Prepare to get those guns ready to kick some tail, and prepare to have your ass kicked, it's Contra (Probotector in Europe). Contra was originally released in the arcades on February 20th, 1987, it was ported to NES one year later, the arcade version was directed by Koji Hiroshita. While The NES version was directed by Shigeharu Umezaki and Shinji Kitamoto. To this day, Contra is still considered one the greatest action games of all time, and with good reason. It has a sweet soundtrack, the controls are nearly flawless, the level design is memorable, and it has the spreader, the greatest gun in a side-scrolling game EVER.

Now the version I played wasn't the classic NES version, but the Xbox Live Arcade port of the arcade version, so I know the version I'm playing is an inferior version of Contra, but until it comes to virtual console, this is the version I will be referring to.

Since this is an action game back in the day, most people probably don't care about the story, so i won't go to any heights to explain the story, remember, it's the gameplay that counts.

In Contra, you play as a shirtless man, ready to kill every thing in your sight. You will kill soldiers, machine guns, turrets, robotic eye balls, and strange aliens that look like they were ripped right out of James Cameron's Aliens. Come to think of it, the two main characters look like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, probably because Predator was released around the same time as Contra (4months apart), and Rambo was popular at the time. So if they ever make a Contra movie, they better get Schwarzenegger and Stallone.

Now for the gameplay, it's basically a Side-scrolling shooter, you press A to shoot and B to jump. You only move left and right, but the controls are very responsive, you can shoot in all 8 directions, and you really have need to in order to survive. There's also some shooting gallery style levels where you infiltrate a base, and have to find your way through, and in the arcade version, there's a time limit, and if you fail to get out before time's out, you lose a life. So the game is straightforward, but there is some variety.

But the one thing that Contra legendary was the difficulty, one matter how skilled you are, this game will kick your ass. The game hardly has no breathing air, and there are enemies EVERYWHERE, and remember, you die with one hit,and you only have 3 lives. So if your going in, you got to be hardcore. Or course, there is the Konami code, you know what I'm talking about.

UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT B A START

This code will give you 30 lives, but even so, it's still a hard game. fortunately, this game is 2 player, to help you beat whoever you're facing. but player 2 will die constantly if player 1 is a total jerk on the rising water level.

The graphics are okay for the most part, there are better looking games for the time, but it's get the job done, I should note that the arcade version's screen is very vertical. But the soundtrack is awesome, giving off that 80s action feel. It's gets the blood pumping (if the difficulty didn't).

So overall, Contra is a short, hard, but fun game that derserves your 400 microsoft points, but if you want a overall better version, you'll just have to wait until the NES version comes out on Virtual console.

Final Verdict
Story: no one cares
Graphics: 6 out of 10
Sound: 8 out of 10
Gameplay: 10 out of 10
Fun Factor: 10 out of 10
FINAL SCORE: 34 out of 40
B+

Clip of the Week(end)

2008-05-17T19:20:00.000-07:00

It's time for a new segment of this blog where i show a video that is just awesome.

Today's clip comes from what might be the greatest ad EVER (other then the NES zelda ad).

Speed Racer in a Nutshell

2008-05-13T15:45:00.000-07:00

I was going to review Speed Racer later this week but i decided not to. Because That Guy With the Glasses (known more as the nostalgia critic and the creator of the movie in 5 seconds videos) summed up the movie in a nutshell better then I ever could.

If you saw at the end there's text at the bottom that says "seriously though, Speed Racer sucked". Damn straight it suck, the races were cool, but everything else was crap. Oh and during those romantic scenes I was thinking one thing and one thing only.

I HATE SAND!!!!

Yep, it was that bad, avoid it at all costs.

Oh check "That Guy With the Glasses" other videos (this guy is hillarious).

Top Ten Most Anticipated Movies of Summer 2008 (2ND HALF)

2008-05-03T20:07:00.001-07:00

So if you thought you would have to wait long for the rest of the list, you won't have to. Here's the rest of the list.

5. The Happening
M. Night Shyamalan's films have always been hit (the 6th Sense, Signs) or miss (Lady in the FREAKIN Water). This looks like a hit, with a creepy trailer and it being his first R-Rated flick, prepare to see dead people.
DAMMIT I can't find a trailer, man I suck.

4. Tropic Thunder
Oh come on, who wouldn't laugh at some of the funniest actors of our time (and Robert Downey, Jr. playing a African American) going to shoot a war movie, but it turns out it's a actual warzone. Sounds funny to me. In fact, it looks to be the funniest movie of the summer.
To get a better idea, heres the trailer.

3. Wall-E
Now I know this may seem controversial, but I always look forward to Pixar's latest film. Why you may ask? Well maybe because of there breakthrough in CGI, the likable characters, or they have never been able to bring out nothing, but 5 star films (maybe except for Cars). Wall-E looks to embody all aspects that are good about animated films, with stunning animations, and hoping to tell a good story. The only worry is that without hardly any voice acting, it could be hard to follow, but it's been set in stone. This is gonna be big.
How big? Well you can anwser that for yourself.

2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
After years of on-and-off production. Screen legends Steven Spielberg and George Lucas are finally bringing the 4th installment of the classic adventure series. With Harrison Ford returning to one of his most beloved roles ever and impressive looking visuals. Indiana Jones 4 is going to be one of the best franchise reboots ever.
View trailer here

1. The Dark Night
The darkness in men's hearts can lead them to insanity or to make stunning revaltions. This is no more aparent then both The Joker and Batman. It's predacesor, Bataman Begins defined what a franchise reboot should be. Pleasing old fans while bringing in new ones. The 2nd istallment of the rebooted Batman films plans to extend the joy of BB even further. The most twisted design of the Joker we've ever seen is ready to take on the bat. I can't even begin to say what looks good about it. You need to see the trailers to understand. Making it the most anticipated film of summer 2008.

Top Ten Most Anticipated Movies of Summer 2008 (1ST HALF)

2008-05-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

The summer is the biggest time for movies. The time where popcorn sales raise like crazy, and midnight shows are the next big thing. These ten films are showing what the summer is all about. Now before we go any further, Iron Man will not make this list, because I already saw it.

10.The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Walden Media and the team that brought The Lord of the Rings movies is bringing the second instalment of the adaptation of the legendary novels. Promising to be more action pack and darker then the first. Plus, who wouldn't be impressed by those visuals.
You can watch the trailer and decide for yourself.

9. Speed Racer

The guys that redefined action with The Matrix are bringing you a live action version of the legendary anime, as an otaku, this does look promising, with stylish visuals and crazy races. Plus, the trailer for the Half-Blood Prince premieres there.
Like before, decide yourself with the trailer.

8. Hellboy II: the Golden Army

Hellboy was an interesting comic book film, it was a bit more moody and disturbing then most other comic book films. Director Guillermo del Toro showed us the devilish side of comic book films (something Ghost Rider tried to do and failed miserably at it) The second one will once again show what the master behind Pan's labyrinth can do, with awesome looking creatures and Hellboy being the badass he's always been.
View trailer to see for yourself.

7. The Incredible Hulk

Let's face it, no matter how you slice it, the original Hulk movie was a joke. With bad script choices and just not enough of the big green guy. So Marvel thought the same, and a second one was put into production, and boy, just from the trailers you can it's gonna be better, with an overall better cast, and promises of more of the Hulk himself. There's no way you'll get angry at this one.
But just incase you think you will, here the trailer

6. Get Smart

Steve Carell has never failed to make me laugh. From playing a hyperactive squirrel in Over The Hedge, to his masterful role as the lead of the pitch-perfect USA version of The Office. He's once again going to give us a good time in this revision of the spy TV comedy. Carell fans will get their fill (hopefully) and it will show the comedic side of Anne Hathaway.
Even the trailer is funny.

If i keep going, this post will get laggy. Head to part 2 for the rest of the list.

A Self-Portrait (PART 1 OF 3)

2008-05-01T19:44:00.000-07:00

As my first blog post, I thought I'd start off with a semi-Autobiography. Here we go.

You know, for the 1st 14 years of my life, I never felt I lead a truly exciting life, sure, I'm well off, got tons of crap I only use every now and then, and who wouldn't be happy with a burring love of Kingdom Hearts? But I've never felt a true "OMG, MY LIFE IS UBER EXCITING" feel, but right now, that's okay. Perhaps we should start from the beginning. My name is Jack Dooley, I'm 14.5 years old and I live in America.

One of my interests is video games. I've basically proven myself as a gamer by owning ever console since the PS1 (except the Sega Saturn and Dreamcast). The nice thing about my gaming life is that my parents know I love it, I got Mario Kart Wii by cleaning my house's entire second floor. Speaking of the Wii, it's my favorite console out of the recent 3. The PS3 sucks and the 360 is cool and all, but the Wii is what gaming is all about, rather then just idiots raging on about how Call of Duty 4 is the greatest game of all time (even though I like CoD4) and morons defending the PS3 with nothing to back up there arguments (you know who you are Mr.Chadwarden). Whoops I'm getting off topic.

Now I'll talk about my 2nd interest, Anime and Manga. To me, Anime is a part of today's culture and important to animation history, and the fact I love it. Manga is just as important to comic books. Personally, no other manga blew me away as much as Fullmetal Alchemist and no other Anime got me freak out and made me think as Neon Genesis Evaneglion. It's part of my life.

But more on those 2 subjects in future posts. Let's talk about other stuff. School, well, I don't hate it, but I don't love it, "I don't mind it" is the phrase I'm looking for. Besides, I learn something everyday. Pets, I have 4 cats, they're all male, 1 has a mustache and is fat, 1 is small and always act crazy (plus he has half a tail), 1 is a old fashion black and white cat, and the other is half-blind. So you can tell I have a diverse group of cats.

Now let talk about my life as an online wanderer...

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!